So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me.” He takes his shoes outside and rubs them in the grass and mud, then proceeds home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed off. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great-looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.” She sees his shoes are covered with grass and says, “You lying bastard!!! You’ve been fishing again!!!” Edit: Thank you for the silver kind stranger, you like fishing huh?
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is proof that size doesn't matter
Walking people's fish.
Not there when I wake up.
Me (who skinned a black person): this is why nobody likes you
A MasterBaiter
He said "yes the others were atleast sevens or eights"
Fuk ‘em yung !!!
Stab it repeatedly
African
After he saw the gas bill
I’m pretty sure I’m not though, I have 3 daughters. I would’ve killed 2 of them by now.
In some people's eyes
He got Dee dossed
You either get one of the two things; you’ll taste the ocean, you know plastic... or you’ll get a mouth full of dick.
Huntington's
I dont go to jail when I beat cancer.
The gift that they give to children
A black lad walks in and says "Got anything by The Doors"? I said "yes 2 cameras and an alarm now fuck off".
Cot death
I’d rather be a fruit than a vegetable.
A firecracker
A flamongo .
...they treat food recipes like sex, they keep it in the family.
Ooga Boogaloo
A bath bomb
So I just burned her for good
Your dads dick tastes funny
Her miscarriage
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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