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avatar doktorjake 5 year.agoTwo boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap. Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?” “This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep. “Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?” “I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished. “Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles. The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?” Set responded “I never want to be poor again! I wish for money!” “Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!” “Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.” Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order. Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep. Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more focused on business expansion and money of the business. As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf. Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics. Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly. Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail. Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend. Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.” Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder. The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright. Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

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1. If I had a nickel for every racist joke I ever told...

I'd probably get robbed by a black guy

2. Two Jewish men walk by a church

The church has a sign that says "convert to Christianity and get 50$" one man says to the other "Morty, I'm thinking about doing it." The man enters the church and comes out half an hour later. Morty asks "did you get your fifty dollars?" The man replies "is that all you people think about?"

3. I added Paul Walker on xbox live yesterday.

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4. What does Hitler and Acetone have in common?

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5. What's black and covered in cobwebs?

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7. A priest, a homosexual and a child molester walk into a bar.

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9. Registration on the first day back at school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here" Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here" Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here" Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here" Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer Ali Sun Al En? Little girl at the back stands up and yells ........ "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for fuck sake !" _____ xpost - r/sickipedia

10. i made a website for orphans

you need a parents approval to sign up

11. Yo mama's so old

She has a separate entrance for black dick.

12. Jesus said, "My faith can move mountains"

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Because they're all stolen.

15. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

16. Whats black and blue and hates sex?

5 year old in my trunk

17. The Little Mermaid

They asked for a ginger to be cast in the live action Little Mermaid movie, but unfortunately the casting director was severely dyslexic

18. What do you call the world’s worst recycling center?

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19. Why is tumblr bad for your health ?

it's full of transfats

20. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and the doctor said she had to have a double mastectomy, so I went on-line to see if there was an alternative...

Susan, 31, is only 5 miles from me looks a good one...

21. Pedophilia is not funny.

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22. A little boy with no arms wants chocolate

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23. What's black and white and red all over?

An interracial couple that got what's coming to them.

24. Feminism.

25. Q: What has 14 heads, 6 fingers, and 8 legs?

A: The finish line to the Boston marathon

26. What's a niggers favorite grape?

Gangrape

27. If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist

I'd have so much money that I'd probably get mugged by a black guy.

28. My biology teacher asked me "what's commonly found in cells?"

Apparently niggers wasn't the right answer.

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The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.

30. There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression...

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