Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
doktorjake 5 year.agoTwo boys in Egypt free a crocodile...In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap. Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?” “This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep. “Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?” “I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished. “Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles. The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?” Set responded “I never want to be poor again! I wish for money!” “Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!” “Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.” Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order. Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep. Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more focused on business expansion and money of the business. As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf. Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics. Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly. Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail. Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend. Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.” Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder. The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright. Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.
Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.
In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
After weeks of this, the kiosk owner finally asks: "Why do you only look at the front page and never read the rest?" The man replies: "I'm looking for an obituary." Confused, the owner says: "But obituaries are in the back pages, in small print." The man calmly responds: "The one I’m waiting for will be on the front page."
One of the pigs fell out and a guy drove by and saw him. He picked it up and put it in his car and hurried to catch up to the truck. On the way he drove past a state trooper. He was speeding so the trooper pulled him over. He said "why are you going so fast?" The guy explained he was trying to catch up to the pig truck. The trooper said "oh yeah I saw that truck. It's too far ahead for you to safely catch up. So what I want you to do is take that pig to the zoo" the guy agreed and left. The next day the trooper is there in his spot and he sees the guy drive by with the pig in his car so he pulls him over again and says "hey didn't I tell you to take that pig to the zoo yesterday?" And the guy said "yeah, and I did, but we had such a good time at the zoo I thought we'd go to the beach today"
The second we got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.
They both got Bobby's immediate attention if either had a little crack.
Because I want to give her <3
The doctor said, "the best thing I can recommend first is diet and exercise." I replied, "Sure, but how am I supposed to convince my wife to diet and exercise?"
When it's to, too and two.
A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise', The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise' 'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck by mistake'
A cowboy gets captured by a Native American tribe and dragged before the chief. The chief says, “You can earn your freedom if you pass the three-tent challenge. You’ve got 5 minutes for each task.” Tent 1: Drink a whole liter of whiskey. Tent 2: Inside is an old lion with a bad tooth—pull it out. Tent 3: The most beautiful virgin in the tribe—she can’t be a virgin anymore. The cowboy shrugs, takes the whiskey, chugs it down in one go, stumbles out swaying like a tumbleweed in a storm, and heads into tent 2. Suddenly, roars and screams erupt—tent shaking, dust flying, lion growling, cowboy yelling. After five chaotic minutes, the cowboy stumbles out, scratched, torn clothes, hair wild. He wipes his brow and slurs: “Alright… now where’s that girl with the bad tooth?!”
Slow down and use more lube
Butanal
But you wouldn’t have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
But he never got around to it.
In the end I gave up as it was a waist of time
Their Tesla is still intact and in their possession and they aren't afraid to be seen in public with it.
Because they always show up before the joke's even told… and then laugh awkwardly for way too long.
“I’m just trying to spruce the place up a bit.”
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
They look up in the sky and see the full moon. Blonde 1 remarks how beautiful the moon is on this clear night and says it would be so cool to go there. Blonde 2 says yes thats cool, but I'd rather go to Paris. Blonde 1 asks, which do you think is further, the moon or Paris? Blonde 2 replies, duh, can you see Paris from here?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Her husband was a dreadful boar
And that's how Cain, Abel, and Seth were made
Another\* time in old China, a poor farmer happened on a mirror, dropped by a traveller by the side of the road. He peered at it curiously, for he had never seen one before, and to his surprise he saw the likeness of his late father, dead twenty years ago. "What a remarkable gift the gods have bestowed upon me!" exclaimed the farmer; and he set about building a shrine at the back of his barn, where the image could be kept in safety. His wife became suspicious at the amount of time her husband was spending behind the barn, and one day when he was working in a distant field she went to look, and she found (as she though) a little love-nest with a picture hanging up in it. On viewing it she wept in jealous fury over the fickleness of men, "and how," she demanded, "could my husband devote himself to such an ugly cross-patch as this?" When he came home she angrily confronted him over his illicit affairs, and grew all the more wrathful at his absurd excuses, until the noise of their quarrel attracted a passing priest. "What is the cause," demanded the priest, "of this disturbance which so affronts the peace and harmony of Heaven itself?" "My husband has taken up with a trollop, and keeps her likeness here to gaze upon!" screeched the wife. "My wife has gone mad, and mistakes this portrait of my sainted father for a woman!" protested the husband. The priest inspected the evidence and shook his head in wonder. "You are both wrong. This is the likeness of a devoted monk, wise and venerable. I know not how you could mistake so holy a face." And to save further strife, the priest took the contentious image away to the nearest monastery, where it could be kept in safety. \--- \*See "Rope" for the first of these.
Never fly Malaysian airlines.
One is a rubber and the other is a rub her.....
I actually have a few people in mind..
because this morning I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.
But if you have company then you should wear a condominium
Because they use honeycombs.
I saw an advertisement in a shop window saying "Accountant needed, €35,000 - €40,000. Call [number]. I called the number and told them "You don't need an accountant. The answer is minus €5,000."
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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