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avatar Propane13 6 year.ago4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted. About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off. The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak. The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins". "What do you mean?" asks the dentist. "Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now." The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life." The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?" The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free." The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?" The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minutes of brushing each, then we decide." "Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom. Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance." The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles. It's unbelievable. The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth. The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died." The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

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1. What do you use to shave an elephant?

Babar-sol.

2. Scientists have successfully built a device that bring people back from the dead.

They took 3 corpses into the lab and ran experiments. Subject 1 gets revived and thanks the scientists for saving him from Hell. Subject 2 gets revived and proceeds to scold the scientists for bringing him away from Heaven. Subject 3 gets revived and immediately runs away. When asked, he replies: "What the hell, I was playing Doom! Why'd you bring me here?"

3. The motorist's prayer

My Lord grant that I may see The day when petrol is tax free, When traffic lights are always green And traffic jams are never seen, And wardens do not wait afar To plant a ticket on my car.

4. Woke up this morning to find ...

an erection in my sleep pants. But don't worry....I beat it single handed.

5. Two men were sitting at a restaurant.

One man said, “I’ll take some H2O please”. The second man said “I’ll have some H2O, too”. The second man died.

6. Newsflash: A 4 seater plane has crashed into a cemetary in Ireland.

Police say they've found 300 bodies but the death toll is expected to rise

7. Poop joke

When I was younger I used to think poop jokes were the greatest now at my age I would say there are a solid number two

8. What do you call a woman who tastes like steak?

Umommy

9. Reese Witherspoon’s sister has a daughter in college. She wrote a paper about how poop can be used as a fuel source.

It was Reese’s niece’s thesis on feces.

10. My dumb Germam mate.

My German mate isn't the brightest. I asked him if he knew what number comes after 8. He said no.

11. I got embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set on my own. In a panic I threw a quilt over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

12. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar?

Because he heard the drinks were on the house.

13. I just found out that the company that makes yardsticks

Won’t be making them any longer. Bummer.

14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

You marry her

15. What do you call it when a woman gets pregnant after a tubal ligation?

*loophole*

16. A definite need...

What the world really needs is a windshield wiper that won't hold parking tickets.

17. Did you know that Disney is America’s largest military contractor?

They drop more bombs than Lockheed Martin.

18. Every time I meet my ex girlfriend I end up crying

Eventually she will have to run out of pepper spray

19. A twist on a poem I learned as a kid...

Old Grimes is dead, that good old man, We ne’er shall see him more, For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4.

20. At a press conference, the police chief announced the arrest of a major crime gang that had been plaguing the city.

“We used a team of bees to lure the criminals to the scene and catch them in the act. It was a honey pot sting operation.”

21. There was a soccer game in the woods

The game was between the rodents and the insects. In the first half, the rodents were doing well, but in the second half, the centipede really pulled the weight of the insect team and ended up winning the game for them. After the insects were done celebrating, the spider went up to the centipede and said, "you did great, but where were you during the first half of the game?" The centipede replies, "I was putting on all of my shoes!"

22. Job advertisement

I saw a job advertised for the cleaning company dealing with a very large skyscraper, cleaning all the mirrors in the building. I thought, there's a job I can see myself doing.

23. Oscar Mayer just released a pasta sauce!

It's a bolognaese

24. There is a guy I know who is scared of paying for products from other countries

He's really TARIFFIED!

25. What is a drone bee's favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beat it

26. I asked my German friend if he knew what √81 was.

He apparently did not.

27. Hookers don’t fart

They let out little prosti-toots

28. How long does it take an engineer to change a light bulb?

1-2 years, unless you explain that "change" means "replace" not "redesign".

29. My co-workers always say I seem so mysterious when they see me quietly holding a book…but the truth is I just can’t concentrate because I’m wildly aroused by the content.

Either way, I’m too hard to read.

30. My Grandpa was a brave guy.

When my whole family was panicking in the hopsital because Grandpa needed blood. He reassured us by screaming 'Be positive' until his last breathe.

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