5 year old in my trunk

They asked for a ginger to be cast in the live action Little Mermaid movie, but unfortunately the casting director was severely dyslexic

r/MeanJokes

it's full of transfats

Susan, 31, is only 5 miles from me looks a good one...

It's fucking childish.

He goes into the kitchen and asks his mother: "Mom, can I have some chocolate?" The mother goes: "You know the rule: no arms, no chocolate" The boy starts crying and his mother goes: "I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"

An interracial couple that got what's coming to them.

A: The finish line to the Boston marathon

Gangrape

I'd have so much money that I'd probably get mugged by a black guy.

Apparently niggers wasn't the right answer.

The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.

It's called Trycoxagain.

Cause They Can’t Stand Up For Themselves.

Some black guy came up to me and said, "Nice shirt faggot, did your mommy pick it for you?" I replied, "No actually, your grandparents did."

Every time someone offers you food you fat Cunt...

Their criminal record.

Women

And he did something really romantic and proposed to her on the spot to make her feel better. So you see that ladies, us men can be romantic and spontaneous, it's that we just don't like long term commitments.

A man walks into a bar and begins to order a beer, "O-O-One b-beer p-please." The bartender responds, "Hey man, I used to have the same stuttering problem. Then I went home, asked my wife to give me some head, and the next day I was cured." After hearing this the man rushed off before even getting his beer. The next day, the man returns and again orders a beer, "O-One b-b-b-beer p-please". The bartender asks, "didn't work huh?". The man replies, "No, b-b-b-but you have a l-l-lovely house!"

Call the cops

That priest is in jail now. __________

If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

...and approaches her father, who is sitting in the living room. "Daddy," she says, "a strange man did something bad to me at the park today." The father, suddenly very attentive, turns to face his daughter. "Oh, god... okay, sweetie, you need to understand that it absolutely wasn't your fault, and you will not get in trouble for telling me about it. Can you explain what happened?" "Well," the girl begins, "I was playing in the sand, when the man came up to me and told me to come with him behind a tree." "Oh, god," mutters the father. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down his pants and showed me his thing." "Oh, god!" the father exclaims. "What happened next?" "Then," the girl continues, "he pulled up my dress and touched me on my underwear." "Oh, god!" shouts the father. "Sweetie, what happened after that?" The girl answers with a shrug. "Nothing. That was it." "Well, make something up! I haven't finished yet!"

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

If they are black, you've got nothing to eat.

I woke up this morning and saw my wife sitting on the edge of the bed with two black eyes. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked. "This is what happens when you drink 9 pints of lager," she replied. "That's bullshit," I said, looking in the mirror, "I drank 9 pints of lager last night and my face is fine."

A little girl goes into the shower with her mom. She looks up at her mothers' breasts and says "Mommy, when will I get those?" Her mother says "when you're older". A few days later she goes into the shower with her dad. She looks up at his penis and says "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" Her father says "when your mother leaves for work".