My girlfriend's dad accused me of being a pedophile just because she's 18 and I'm 32.

It's pronouns are wee/wee

It really takes a lot out of me.

He is rizzin'.

He must have been partially blind because he didn't see that well.

A very old man has played golf on Saturday mornings for decades; but never achieved a hole in one. One rainy Saturday, with no one else on the course, the old man lands his first hole in one ever; but no witnesses. he reaches into the tin cup and pulls out a frog with a gold crown. The frog says: I’m a magic frog. I witnessed your first hole in one. I can grant you one wish. Would you like: - a solid gold set of golf clubs ? - a lifetime membership to any exclusive golf course in the world ? - or find yourself on a beach in the Riviera, surrounded by bikini babes ? The old man starts shoving the frog into his pants pocket. The magic frog says: Easy, Buddy! Take it easy! What are you doing? The old man replies: “At my age ……. My wish is to have a talking frog”.

“Dam”

I guess he made a clean getaway.

take them. Free stuff is cool.

* you are a giraffe with a sore throat * you put your hands in your pocket and your fingers get stuck in used gum * you're in the shower when someone flushes the toilet * you've got ants in your pants * you're trying to open a new plastic bag but can't get the sides apart * putting on a sweatshirt that just came out of the dryer * you have to sneeze but can't * you're in the back seat when you detect an SBD (silent but deadly) * Darth Vader’s light saber in on the fritz * your phone is dying and you can't find a charger * a bird poops on your windshield and you turn on your wipers but you're out of wiper fluid * expecting a package from amazon, you race to the door when the doorbell rings, but it is Jehovah Witnesses trying to save your soul * You're sitting in your synagogue/church when you get a terrible cramp in your calf * you excitedly grab a cookie, expecting chocolate chip, only to discover that it is oatmeal raisin * your ice cream cone is melting faster than you can eat it * the wind turns your umbrella inside out * trying--and failing--to get the waiter's attention to refill your water after eating food that is too spicy * you're eating scrambled eggs when you get a bite with shell in it * you're basically out of toothpaste and trying desperately to squeeze just a little more out of the tube * you're driving and complete a call over the sound system, and the volume is deafening when the music comes back on * you've got an umbrella to get to the car but it is so hard to close that you get soaked anyway * you're making coffee and someone put salt in the sugar bowl * you're with your friends and your mom keeps butt-dialing you * You're eating an ice-cream cone when you get brainfreeze * you're chewing gum, blow a big bubble, and the gum gets stuck in your eyebrows * you can't remember all the moves in the macarena * It’s your first time ice skating (or roller skating)

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.