hansolo 6 year.agoOne day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said.......... "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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Yahoo!
He looks just like Jon Hamm.
Just one, but you’d better have a high ceiling.
He left one of the funniest ones I’ve ever seen on his last day of work. Later I found out he wasn’t actually a dad which was kind of funny I guess.
I will make it to the car soon
followed by Batman.
Mother: Yanny! Laurel: Yeah?
He got the sack.
The fact that I don't finish my sentences and
She assumes it’s from the upstairs neighbour’s balcony so she knocks on his door to let him know. “What was written on it?” The man asks. “Out” She replies. “So ‘Chill’ must still be on the balcony” says the man. Next day the same happens. She finds a slipper, knocks on the neighbour’s door. “What’s written on it?” He asks. “Off” she says. “So ‘Fuck’ must still be on the balcony” Next day the same happens, annoyed she decides to act like she doesn’t know what was written on the slipper. She knocks on the door. “What’s written on it?” The neighbour asks. “I don’t know” she replies. “So ‘I got crows out my window Dogs at my door I don't think I can take anymore What am I doing wrong?’ must still be on the balcony”.
I’d name him Synonym.
So he gives it to her
are shocked to learn that they should not do their own electrical work.
A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going. She replied: “I’m going to Las Vegas”. He questioned her as to why. “I just found out that I can make $500 a night doing what I give you for free”. He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch. “And just where do you think you’re going?” “I’m going with you!” he replied. “Why?” she asked. “I want to see how you are going to live on $1,000 a year!”
VivALDI’s
Bacteria
But for Indians… they probably came from Neander-Dal
I didn't try it, I prefer BBW, though there is a lot of overlap in the videos.
The woofabit.
Man: "Do you have sheeps testicles?" Butcher: "No, it's just the way these trousers hang."
...waiting for the doctor to allow him to see his wife and their new baby. A nurse steps into the waiting room and gets his attention. "Congratulations! How many children do you have now?" she asks. "This is my seventh," he says proudly. "I'm a sex machine!" "Well," the nurse replies, "you might want to check the oil in that engine of yours, because this one came out dark."
Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby.
A grandmother looked after 2000 sheep alone in the village. A journalist came to make a report about it and asked the grandmother: \- "Tell us how you manage to look after 2000 sheep by yourself?" Grandma: \- "Well, I've been doing that all my life, I'm used to it." Journalist: \- "And how much does one sheep weigh?" Grandma: \- "Black or white?" Journalist: \- "Well, let's say white." Grandma: \- "30 kg." Journalist: \- "And black?" Grandma: \- "Well, the same." Journalist: \- "Okay, and how much milk does one sheep give?" Grandma: \- "Black or white?" Journalist: \- "Well, let's say white." \- "so 2 liters." \- "And black?" \- "Well, the same." \- "Okay, and how much wool from one sheep?" \- "Black or white?" \- "Let's say black." \- "3 kg." \- "And white?" \- "Well, the same." The journalist grows mad, realizing the grandma is messing with her. Journalist: \- "Well, what's the difference between black and white then?" Grandma: \- "Well, the white ones are mine." Journalist: \- "And the black ones?" Grandma: \- "Well, the same."
2 Na
'Scurvy
Interviewer: "...and a weakness?"
They call me Nostrawdamus.
She's under a lot of pressure
Woman calls a record shop and gets a wrong number. Woman: Do you have "Two lips and six kisses?" Man: No, but I do have two balls and six inches. Woman: Is that a record? Man: No ma'am, that's average.
He doesn’t want the crypt tonight.
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