Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
justinloler 8 year.agoMy favorite joke: Everyone Knows DaveDave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "Pope Francis," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'
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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
What do you call an incarcerated illegal immigrant while they’re in the states? Locked in alien.
I missed coworker said I didn't make it. I replied neither did he.
The antisemitic kid says: maybe we'll have to send him to concentration camp.
Am I mean or not
I was cumming for the kids
Toys for Twats.
Because of ICE essay
Girl 1: What do I do? Girl 2: What's wrong? Girl 1: I think my boyfriend got me pregnant Girl 2: is it too late? Girl 1: about 2 months now Girl 2: Damn Girl 1: My mom's gonna kill me Girl 2: I bet that baby's thinking the same thing
It’s when you see your mother in law is falling down the cliff in your new Mercedes
My mum turns 76 tomorrow and I wanted to get her something really special. I thought one of those 4,000-week calendars (the average life expectancy) would be perfect. To personalise it, I've filled in nearly all the boxes for her—just the last line left blank for her to finish. She'll be touched, right?
Came out of the cabinet
On YouTube, "Full day of eating" videos are all the rage among fitness influencers. Well, here's my idea to parody this trend: Title: *Full day of eating (disorder)* Video: An anorexic girl eats a slice of lemon, video ends.
But now it just doesn’t work.
A Slap Happy Jappy with a Crap happy pappy
Set a homeless man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
I guess his song finally killed her.
He’s Going Underground…
Host: " Tell me a word which I don't know and you win a prize " Phone rings Caller: " Word is goan. Spelt g o a n" Host: "Can you use it in a sentence please" Caller:" Goan f...k yourself" Host hans up Phone rings again Caller:" Word is tsmee. Spelt t s m e e” Host: "Can you use it in a sentence please" Caller:" Tsmee again. Goan f…k yourself"
“I know” says the guy, “but she’s a good cook and the kids like her.”
The pink parts are good but the heads are full of shit.
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Gender reveal parties for seven year olds
Whats the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan? The prisoner is wanted. What’s an orphans favourite flower? Self-raising What does an orphan call a family photo? A Wishlist.
When his semen can’t find any other direction to release.
Woody goes soft when a kid enters the room
to OUCH STOP! rAPE!
A good stroke.
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