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avatar cheesynips100 9 year.ago

Spoiler: Snape dies.

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. When I walked in the door this evening my wife greeted me with a bottle of beer and a hug and a smile.

“I have some great news, dear,” she said. “We’ll soon be hearing the pitter patter of little feet around the house!” I was a bit surprised, of course, but said, “That’s great — how many months until this bundle of joy arrives?” She said, “Months? No - my mom will be moving in next week.”

2. Why does the baker go to work?

Because he kneads the dough!

3. Why is piss yellow?

So you can tell whether you're cumming or going.

4. After visiting a cattle ranch, I adopted a dachshund

They told me "Get a long little doggie"

5. Count Dracula is walking down the street…

And then, from out of nowhere, a load of sausage rolls, crisps, quiche, vol-au-vents, chicken drumsticks and dips fall on him. With his dying breath he says: “Oh no! Buffet The Vampire Slayer”

6. What did 50 cent do when he was hungry ?

58

7. Why do band members like KFC?

Because, they have drum sticks!

8. "I'm losing my shit"

Doctor: Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many tacos on Tuesday

9. “This thing sucks”

Was the sign on a vacuum I saw out on the curb this morning.

10. I was going to tell the joke about the tropical birds I glued together.

But never mind, it's toucan fusing.

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