Did you know that if you flip a canoe upside-down, you can wear it as a hat?

Four guys are standing on a corner - Chinese, Russian, American and Israeli - when a reporter stops to ask them a question. "Excuse me, gentleman, but what's your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Chinese guy responds, "What's an opinion?" The Russian guy responds, "What's meat?" The American responds, "What's a shortage?" And, finally, the Israeli responds, "What's 'excuse me'?"

Because every time they say they're "hung like a stallion"... …they get way too many eager farm girls swiping right.

returns home after many years studying and working in a rich, developed nation. When he meets up with his childhood friends, he can not stop bragging about his adopted nation. "Did you know they are so developed, their submarines travel on the ocean bed?" "What?" Exclaim his friends. "Ocean bed?". "Yes! Well, just a little above but almost." His friends are a bit annoyed at this. Next, he says, "Did you know their normal planes go into space before coming back down?" His friends are truly shocked. "Really?! Into space?" "Yes, well, a little below." Now truly annoyed, one his friend quips, "while you were away our oun country has made some amazing achievements." "Oh really," says the man skeptically. "Yeah, we have made advancements in medicine that allow people to eat through their nose." "What?" Says the shocked man. His friend replies, "Yes! Just a little below."

Kathmandid!

There once was a pimp named 4AM. He was making his rounds when he found some of his girls arguing with a man on a street corner. Without hesitation, he inserted himself and demanded an explanation for why he was "harassing these ladies, man?" He began to get a rundown of what had occurred just twenty minutes prior, which went something like this: His escort, Gia, propositioned a middle-aged man wearing thick glasses and a grey duster. The man was, at first, taken aback, but then launched into a diatribe about the oldest profession and it's effects on commerce, religion, and societal norms. While he seemed adamantly against prostitution on a moral level, he also adhered to morals being something abstract and not to hold a place in business transactions or government regulation, and, really, what even was life, what was existence, if throttled by moral concepts, which really are just constructs that stem from brains overly concerned with societal position? He was so zestful in saying all this, that Gia was a bit overwhelmed. Another escort, Metrie, was already walking toward her, and joined to give Gia some support, as she seemed to be a touch weary very quickly. Metrie commenced to try to talk the man down and ascertain if he was a threat to Gia. Unaware of how much he was scaring the girls, the man took an abrupt step toward them, and they were immediately frightened into flight. The pimp interrupted the story at this point. "Where dis happen?" he asked. "Right here?" "No," said Metrie, who proceeded to point at a far street corner, "I think there, 4AM." But another girl chimed in, whose name was Filly, "That's when they ran into us. Me and Sophie heard the commotion, and then we found them running from this crazy man, and we were trying to fend him off when you got here." "I wasn't trying to do anything," stammered the would-be client. "I-I was merely explaining the meaning of philosophy as it relates to these... to these women and their profession. Well, really, how life--h-how thought--" "Listen, man" interrupted 4AM, as he placed a hand on the fellow's shoulder. "I think your problem is you were tryin' ta put Descartes before de whores."

De Notter

The pope is in talks with American pharmaceutical companies to produce a new medication for ED that will change this. It’s called Hymns.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away, so he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get married, so you've come to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want." The man dated the first daughter, and the next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "She's just a little bit, not that you would notice, pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls, so he went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "She's just a little bit, not that you would notice, cross-eyed." Again the farmer nodded and suggested the man date the third girl to see if things might be better, so he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" They were wed right away, and months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby, while cute, had the ugliest face he ever saw. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a little bit, not that you would notice, pregnant when you met her."

It was a shameless plug

That just blew me away.