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avatar VaultedTomatoes 1 day.ago

Not sure if it counts enough for y'all but for years my dad has made the best charades clues I've seen. This is his latest set

* you are a giraffe with a sore throat * you put your hands in your pocket and your fingers get stuck in used gum * you're in the shower when someone flushes the toilet * you've got ants in your pants * you're trying to open a new plastic bag but can't get the sides apart * putting on a sweatshirt that just came out of the dryer * you have to sneeze but can't * you're in the back seat when you detect an SBD (silent but deadly) * Darth Vader’s light saber in on the fritz * your phone is dying and you can't find a charger * a bird poops on your windshield and you turn on your wipers but you're out of wiper fluid * expecting a package from amazon, you race to the door when the doorbell rings, but it is Jehovah Witnesses trying to save your soul * You're sitting in your synagogue/church when you get a terrible cramp in your calf * you excitedly grab a cookie, expecting chocolate chip, only to discover that it is oatmeal raisin * your ice cream cone is melting faster than you can eat it * the wind turns your umbrella inside out * trying--and failing--to get the waiter's attention to refill your water after eating food that is too spicy * you're eating scrambled eggs when you get a bite with shell in it * you're basically out of toothpaste and trying desperately to squeeze just a little more out of the tube * you're driving and complete a call over the sound system, and the volume is deafening when the music comes back on * you've got an umbrella to get to the car but it is so hard to close that you get soaked anyway * you're making coffee and someone put salt in the sugar bowl * you're with your friends and your mom keeps butt-dialing you * You're eating an ice-cream cone when you get brainfreeze * you're chewing gum, blow a big bubble, and the gum gets stuck in your eyebrows * you can't remember all the moves in the macarena * It’s your first time ice skating (or roller skating)

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

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1. What do fish believe in?

Cod

2. I did my federal election run in Canada today

I didn’t earn a single seat.. just few blisters on my feet

3. What happened when the carpenter accidentally sawed off his left hand?

The doctor said he would be all right.

4. Why does a cow have hooves and not feet?

They lactose

5. Why shouldn't nuns chew their fingernails?

It's a bad habit.

6. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

7. Pencil and Pen

If you mix a pencil and a pen, is it a Penstill?

8. Math is hard, 15+15 is thirty…

But 16+16 is thirty too

9. If Mr. Bean had a son....

.... I bet he'd name him Hammond

10. My friend has been strange lately and now he says he's convinced that the Earth is flat!

I see that he's just not a baller anymore.

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