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avatar bobthemundane 1 day.ago

I generally did really good at math in college.

Just one test I was cocky, and went out before hand for drinks with friends. Had one too many drinks, and wasn’t really sober for the test. It was easily the worst calculus test I ever took. Almost flunked the class because of it. But I learned my lesson. I will never drink and derive again.

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funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. A drunk guy came for an interview at a beer company

The company boss immediately disliked the guy. But since he was there, he had to conduct the interview. The boss asked his secretary to bring some beer. The drunk guy smelled it and immediately told all the ingredients! The boss winked at the secretary to bring something else…The secretary peed in a glass and brought that to the drink guy. After taking a smell the drunk guy said, ‘26F, and 3 month pregnant ! Now if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell your wife who the real dad is’

2. I would like the attention of all of the campers and all of the dolphins...

"...to all in tents and porpoises..."

3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised.

4. Tequila will probably not solve your problems.

But it's worth a shot.

5. What do dogs call their alphabet?

The woofabit.

6. Which smells better, a Catholic or a Protestant church?

The Catholic one, because of all the potpourrie.

7. I started a band called 1023MB.

We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

8. A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.'

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back yard. The man goes to the yard and sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story." The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eaves dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years". "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals". "Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired." The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten quid," the owner says. "£10? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?" "Because he's a lying bastard, he's never been out of the back yard."

9. I tried to open a bakery on the moon…

…but the reviews said the bread was good, the service was fine, but the atmosphere was lacking.

10. How does Mario surf the web?

With an internet Bowser

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