I asked my son why he arranged twelve dead insects equidistantly and circumferentially around a faceless clock…

Turned out to be a sham rock

He said “You’re fired”.

It had to DIAlogue

Little Timmy and his old man were out buying a Christmas tree when Timmy said… “Are you going to put that up yourself Dad?” His Dad replied “no, I’m going to put it up in the lounge room Timmy”.

You are just too tense

Milkman comes by one day and she says can you bring me 25 quarts of milk tomorrow. He says, sure but why? She says I hear it's good for your skin to take a milk bath He says ok but do you want it pasteurized? She says no, just above my tits will be fine.

HeHe.

Wooooooooooooo - tang

There was once an island populated by 50 mathematicians. Despite all their logic and numbers, the Island was ruled by two unbreakeable rules they had to undergo: \-If someone knows for certain that he has blue eyes, he must commit suicide at midnight. \-It is forbidden to tell anybody the color of their eyes But here is the catch: all of them had blue eyes!, but since there was no mirrors in the island, they continued with their lives without issue. One day a castaway was rescued on the beach and was taken care until he recovered. After a few days the authorities were contacted and a boat came to pick him up. However before leaving he left a revelation: \-At least one of you has blue eyes. Nothing changed on the life of the islanders for the next 49 days, however on the morning of the 50th day since the stranger's departure, 47 corpes without life were found on their homes. Why is that? Because 3 of them were fucking stupid!

“I have some great news, dear,” she said. “We’ll soon be hearing the pitter patter of little feet around the house!” I was a bit surprised, of course, but said, “That’s great — how many months until this bundle of joy arrives?” She said, “Months? No - my mom will be moving in next week.”