Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Gil-Gandel 4 day.agoAs he finishes, he notices Reynard the fox watching him. Chanticleer looks down loftily. "How did you enjoy my song?" he asks. "No more than middling well," yawns Reynard. "Your father was better. I doubt you will ever meet his measure." "Why?" bridles Chanticleer. "In what respect was my performance lacking?" "In all respects," says Reynard. "But in the fundamentals, you simply lack the commitment that your sire showed. When he crowed the sunrise, he put his heart and soul into it." "How so?" says the cockerel. "Whatever you can put a name to, I can match, and outmatch at that." "Item the first," says the fox. "He took the deepest breath, right down to his toes." "Like this?" says Chanticleer, inhaling mightily. "Aye, something like," says Reynard. "And then he screwed his eyes tight shut and opened his beak wider than the mouth of your coop itself." "Like this?" says Chanticleer, suiting the action to the word. "Aye," says Reynard, "and then he wound himself up to the fullest, as the archer draws the arrow to its very tip." "Like this?" says Chanticleer, drawing up every fibre like the bowstring. "Aye," says Reynard, "and then he stretched out his neck as far as it would reach, and let fly with every ounce of his strength." "Like this?" says Chanticleer, beginning to let rip with the mightiest crow that was ever crowed. \--But he was cut off in the flow of his note as the fox's jaws closed around his throat, and at once Reynard was out and away with his prize, with every creature in the farmyard setting up a hue and a cry of "Thief! Butcher! Murderer!" Three parts strangled, Chanticleer felt his sight dimming and, with the last of his vision, saw the woods drawing near where Reynard would carry him away to dinner with the fox's mate and cubs. He croaked out, "Much good will it do them to pursue you now, clever one. Do kindly give their useless selves an earful with my blessing." "I will at that," growled Reynard. "HEY, LOSERS...!" And as the fox opened his mouth wide to yell, Chanticleer gave an urgent wriggle and a flap of both wings, and moments later was safely a-roost in the lower branches of a sturdy tree.
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A man starts his own business. Within a few months, his business grows to the point where he needs to hire two employees. He hires a woman named Sarah and a man named Jack. Things are looking good. A year goes by and the little company's sales are sagging. The owner realises that there is not enough work for his two employees and that he must let one of them go. But which one? Both Sarah and Jack were excellent employees in every respect. Tormented by the decision, the owner asks a friend for advice. His friend says, "When you go in tomorrow, watch them both, and fire the first one to take a break." So the next day the owner is watching his employees. Sarah seems to be having a headache - her brow is furrowed and she's massaging her temples. She gets up and goes to the medicine cabinet for an aspirin. The owner sees this as a break, and while he hates to do it, this is the signal he was waiting for to make his arbitrary call. The owner walks over to her and starts out, "Sarah, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off." Irritated, she replies, "Can you jack off? I have a headache." And this is how Jack got laid off.
Spoiler alert >!The Rear Admiral's Rear.!<
That's the bear minimum.
They're out of this world.
It's a PayPal per view
The keyboard. Everybody is pushing its buttons.
Patient: "Doctor, I'm worried that I'll overthink the possible mental side-effects for this new medication I'm on, and placebo myself into having them." Doctor: "No issue there. Just take these Placebo Prevention pills. They'll make sure you don't mentally-think yourself into side effects you don't actually have." Patient: "Thanks! What's in them?" Doctor: "Can't say, but they're guaranteed to work. Take care!" *****Doctor and nurse leave room**** Nurse: "What's in these Placebo Prevention pills? I've never heard of them." Doctor: "Absolutely nothing."
Father: “Of course, where do you think #2 pencils come from?”
Named Un, Deux Trois were out in a sailboat when they hit a rock and put a hole in their hull. Unfortunately Un Deux Trois quatre cinq
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