Beethoven concerts were probably like

Womb temperature>!&#x200B;!<

Wasabi?!?

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. Much less painful.

Bartender says there's a hundred guys in the back room that would like to talk to you.

Why’d the Greek bust melt? It was left in the sun too long. But it’s marble! No… it was Plato…

So they decided to hold a contest to find the funniest limerick in all the land. And because limericks are sometimes on the dirty side, bawdy submissions were permitted and even encouraged. A panel of judges from all walks of life was assembled to review the limericks and select the funniest. In the end, they chose a submission from a 68 year old grandmother and invited her to read her limerick live in a BBC broadcast. But there was a problem: The limerick was so dirty that the judges felt that it couldn't be read to the public without censoring the worst of the language. With that stipulation, the woman went to the BBC studios and prepared to read her limerick, with the dirtiest words replaced with "da". She cleared her throat and began: Da da da da da da da da Da da da da da da da da Da da da da da Da da da da da Da da da da da fucking c\*nt.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

Guess she’s homeless.

“There are only two questions”, said the professor, not wanting to fail the star player “What did Old McDonald have?” After some thinking, player says “Farm” “That’s great” says the professor somewhat relieved. “Now can you spell farm?” The player hummed and hawed and scratched his head and finally says “EIEIO”

But two of them didn't make the cut, man.