Three friends were hanging out one Sunday morning with massive hangovers…

Banned from the Kennel Club

She opens it and reads: *"My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight."* When the man came home late that night, he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table: *"My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. I would like to inform you that, while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with one of my students, who is also an assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, he is 18. You, being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of mathematics, will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18..."*

No thank you, I live only 6 miles from here.

Vulva sore

supplies!!

As they touched it, the genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you each three wishes". The first thinks for a moment and finally says, "I want a billion dollars, to be the smartest man in the world, and to have the perfect wife". Poof. The man's bank notified him of the money in his account, he suddenly had the ability to think in new, complex, and abstract ways, and a beautiful woman walked up to him and introduced herself. The second man says "I wish I was the most handsome man on earth, I was always fit and in shape, and that I could pull any good looking woman in the world." Poof. He lost about sixty pounds, was chisled like a Greek God, became devilishly handsome and suddenly had all these woman flock to him from all over the beach. The third man thought about it for a moment, then said "I wish my head would spin in a circle, my right forearm and hand would rotate like a drill, and my legs looked like an ostrich." Poof. The man's head began spinning in a circle, his right forearm and hand rotated like a drill, and he suddenly had ostrich legs. After the genie went back into the lamp, they all decided to go out and test their newfound wishes and agreed to meet back up in five years at a local bar. Five years go by and the first two men are sitting in a bar talking about what they've accomplished. The first man says "Thanks to my intellect and my money, I've created many new advances in technology, we've made headway on creating new vaccines and ending epidemics, I've opened up not-for-profits and public works all over the world that benefit humanity, and my wonderful wife keeps me company and never leaves me feeling blue or bored or alone." The second man says "Thanks to my good looks I've been all over the world doing modeling gigs, I've competed in several competitions involving strength, stamina, and fortitude, I've been with and have had relationships with the most beautiful women all over the planet, and I find pride in setting AND breaking world records." The third man sits silently for a few minutes before he says "Hey, guys, I think I made a mistake."

It was an inquiry.

The Stoner is surprised when the Genie thanks him for releasing him and says “I can grant you three wishes, what is your first wish”. The Stoner says “I wish me and you could smoke nice fat joint” and like magic a beautiful joint appears and they both smoke it. After they finish, the Genie asks “ok, what about wish number 2” to which the Stoner says “how about we smoke another joint” and like before another doobie magically appears and they both enjoy it. The genie then asks “what do you want for your third and final wish” and the Stoner said “Let’s have another joint together” which they do and they enjoy smoking in the sun. At the end of the last joint the Genie disappears back into the lantern leaving the Stoner alone. Five minutes later, the Genie reappears out of the lantern and says to the Stoner “what do you want to do about this fourth wish?”

Because it's always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

I was like "AND?"