Somebody stole a toilet from the police station.

Two scientists show up to an inventor's symposium. The first scientist reveals his invention - a rabbit cloning machine! It can replicate each individual cell, creating a perfect copy of the rabbit. The second scientist reveals his invention - a rabbit teleporting machine! It can dematerialize a rabbit from one location and rematerialize it at another - The only problem with his device is that the rabbits always end up with a conjoined identical twin after teleporting. The first scientist asks "We've built nearly the same machine, haven't we?" The second one replies: "Well, if you want to split hares..."

When she tripped and twisted her ankle. She was embarrassed but our sons reassured her it wasn’t her fault. “You wouldn’t have been able to see it, that was a hidden root,” they said. “And you were never able to do algebra,” I put in.

"Yes, all the others were 9s and 10s.”

"Morning." he says The other man replies "No, just having a shit."

When it’s running

Moses Lawn As a note had to modify this old classic. Was warned that Jewish gardener might be construed as anti-Semitic.

They always come with a hisstory.

He sits next to the beaver and notices it looks upset. So he asks it what was wrong. The beaver said it lost it's job that day. And the guy exclaims "Oh damn!". And the beaver says "How did you know?!"

I'm going to search the world from pole to pole until I figure out who is responsible.

A neuroscientist is giving a TED Talk on the nature of addiction. He says, “We’ve discovered the brain forms stronger reward loops from novelty and unpredictability than from the act itself. It’s why people become addicted to gambling, social media… even love.” A voice from the crowd yells, “And anal?” The neuroscientist pauses. Takes a slow sip of water. Then says, “Especially if you didn’t expect to like it.”