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avatar Mysterious-Diet9187 8 day.ago

My manager told me, "Sell me this pen."

 I didn't have any ideas. So he showed me: he took a paper, asked me to sign it, and when I said I didn't have a pen, he sold me the pen. Then he gave me another chance and asked me to sell him a napkin. I punched him in the face.

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Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Don't date tennis players

Love means nothing to them.

2. Parents to us back then: ‘Stop watching cartoons on TV it’ll rot your brain.’ Us to them now: ‘Stop watching the news on TV, it’ll rot your brain.’

3. Deborah was a first-time contestant on a quiz show.

Lady luck had smiled in her favour, as she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the round but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the one million dollar question. She agreed to return the following day, and was nervous as her husband drove them home. "I've just got to win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow." "Relax honey," her husband reassured her, "It will all be OK." Ten minutes after they arrived home, he grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon." After an agonizing 3 hour absence, the husband returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she cried excitedly. "OK. The question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.' " The couple went to sleep with Deborah, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber. At 3:30 a.m., however, she was shaken awake by her husband, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," she replied groggily before returning to sleep. He asked her again in the morning, this time as she was brushing her teeth. Once again, she replied correctly. So it was that she was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous day's events, faced her and asked the question that would make her the champion. "OK Deborah, this is the big one. For $1,000,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds, starting now." "Hmm, um, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uh, ooh, gee! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough," said the host, "Congratulations!"

4. Reddit’s r/Jokes has 30 million members—

and I still got less attention than a dad joke at a funeral.

5. What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew the lightbulb

6. Married people are in a constant state of LOSING their ability to HEAR each other.

That’s why they say: “Til *Deaf* Do You Part.”

7. Married people are in a constant state of LOSING their ability to HEAR each other.

That’s why they say: “Til *Deaf* Do You Part.”

8. Haikus are rubbish

They're mediocre poems. **They just waste our time.**

9. I worry the government does not help the directionally-challenged enough

It's not their fault they can't tell their lefts from their rights.

10. How do you say 'enjoy your meal!' in England?

You don't! ... It would be too cynical.

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