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What do you call an angry carrot?

A steamed vegetable.

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Recommend Jokes

Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.

In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. We live on a cow farm. One of the calves is named Gabby. My 9yo told me, “if she ever gets anxiety, they’d have to give her…

Gabby-pentin.”

2. How can you tell if someone has a big penis?

Their Tesla is still intact and in their possession and they aren't afraid to be seen in public with it.

3. Don't forget to bring a towel.....

So late one night a priest was showering and noticed there was no soap left so he ran to get a couple bars of soap when he heard 3 nuns walking toward him so he froze holding the two bars of soap. The first nun says I never noticed this statue before and reached out and tugged his junk and he was so surprised he dropped a bar of soap. The 2nd nun said ohh it's a soap dispenser so the 2nd nun tugged his junk he dropped the other bar. The 3rd nun tugged once nothing happens so she tugs it again nothing, so she tries a few more times then says oh wow it dispenses liquid soap as well.

4. Sex is like playing Bridge

if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand

5. I was feeling ill so my wife took me to see a doctor. I didn’t want to discuss my intestinal problems, so my wife told the doc all about my bowel movements. Pointing at her I said…

“Stool pigeon!”

6. Money doesn’t talk.

It screams.

7. What are the two most important holes in a womans body?

No, you fucking pervert. Its her nostrils... how else could sh breathe while giving you a blow job

8. Where does a bull take a nap?

In a bull dozer

9. Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Where you left it.

10. What did the hot dog say to the cheeseburger?

Nothing you fool, food can't talk!

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