Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 1,720,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico.

>!A Gangster Wrap!<

I told the cashier, "My computer can sing this song." She looked puzzled. I said, "It's a Dell."

*An 82-year-old tells his doctor: 'I'm getting married again next week.'* *The doctor says, 'Well, congratulations—how old is the lucky bride?'* *'18, doctor.'* *The doctor is shocked: 'I must warn you—too much sexual activity at this age can be fatal!'* *The man replies, 'Well, if she dies, she dies!'"*

But at least they can keep the tips

A mother and her young daughter are cleaning up the breakfast table when the daughter asks, "Mom, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a bit and then says, “Well, love, when a mommy and a daddy fall in love, they get married. And at night in their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and they make a baby.” The daughter looks puzzled, so the mother explains. “That means the daddy puts his penis in mommy’s vagina. That’s how mommies get a baby, love.” The daughter seems to get it and nods. “Oh, I see. But the other night when I came into your room, you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” "A new pearl necklace, my dear".

In 1929, Abdul was walking through a crowded market place in Damascus. He ate a large bowl of lentil beans with goat cheese for lunch and felt a mighty rumbling in his gut. All of a sudden he let out the loudest and most pungent fart ever. Totally embarrassed by the shocked public reaction he went home, packed his clothes, and boarded a train to Cairo. He lived there for the rest of his life, always remembering that fateful day and vowing out of shame never to return. When he was 89 he decided to return home, thinking that everyone that knew him had since died. When he arrived at the market place he saw that it was now a public square, in the centre of which was a statue of a general on a horse. He asked a young man, “Whose statue is that?” The young man said, “That’s General Ameer, hero of the civil war”. Abdul was impressed and asked, “When was it put there?” The young man scratched his head and said, “Oh, about 20 years after the great fart of Abdul in the market place”.

So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom,and closes the door. - first, johnny, I want you to take off my blouse. So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. - ok, now take off my skirt... And he takes off her skirt. - now take off my bra. Which he does. - and now, johnny, please take off my panties. And when johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

Because the ghosts bring all of the boos.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

An Antarctic Scientist went to the Southpole to do a research on the penguins. With the recent Google Translate's ability to translate Penguish, he started asking the penguins questions. "What are your daily activities?" "Swim, sunbathe, eat, sleep, beatbox" The scientist felt a bit strange, but he kept asking other penguins. Time flies, he interviewed 99 penguins, and all of them gave the same answer. When it came to the 100th, the answer was different, "Swim, sunbathe, eat, sleep." "Well, you don't beatbox?" "I am Box."