Who never needs an appointment?

"Really?" says the bartender. "In 1982, I came in the day before my wedding. I was nervous. I was unsure. In retrospect, I was lacking confidence in myself, in my future." "Fair enough," says the bartender. "Over 40 years later, I came back... the day after my wife died. It's amazing how life can change. How every uncertainty can become the past. How the unknown can come to mean... everything." The bartender doesn't know what to say. But the man continues. "Those were the two most important days of my life," he says. The two stand in silence for a moment. "Well then," says the bartender, "what brings you here today?" "As fate would have it," the man replies, "I forgot my umbrella."

I was leaving the airport when a woman fainted and fell on the baggage carousel. She's slowly coming around now.

I'm reminded of the stage instructions where the lead actress has to make her appearance holding a candle. Director instructs "Enter actress, with candle, right upper entrance." After embarrassed giggles and outright guffaws, the directions were changed to "Enter actress, with candle, left upper entrance."

To prove to the armadillo that it could be done

They go, "sheshe."

One-Inch Punch

I don't know how to brooch the subject to her.

The thyme has cum

That's a salt

If it's not you... it's definitely about you.