Why do motorcycles fall asleep?

'The village barber shaves all the men in the village, who don't shave themselves. Does the village barber shave themself?' 'No.' 'But then the statement is wrong!' 'The statement is still correct, because the village barber lives in another village.' 'Ah, ok. But then 'Yes' could also be a good answer.' 'I think we just should ask her for ourselves.'

...but he said it might cause some internal bleating.

One summer I decided to build my own submarine. I took it out to the middle of the lake, put my little bro in it, and cut it loose. He has stayed successfully submerged for 13 years now.

And when it's gone you wonder, what ever made you bite.

How you poo-in?

"What's your act?" asks the ringmaster. "I do bird imitations," says the man. "Forget about it!" says the ringmaster. "No-one comes to the circus to see bird imitations." "Fair enough," says the man, and flies out of the tent.

Does that make bubble wrap?

A beggar knocks on the door of a house and says to the rather fat housewife, who opens the door for him: "I'm hungry! I haven't eaten for a whole week!" he complains. "Oh, lucky man!" the housewife exclaims. "If only I had such a strong will.

Houndini

Last night, had a fight with my wife. She said she doesn't even want to see me alive anymore and shouted very rudely at me. Today morning she woke happily, kissed me and said, "Can we trip to Kashmir? " Dude c'mon I mean I love Kashmir, but how do I deal with all these mood swings? Edit : you gotta watch Indian news to get the idea.