You hear about the new high tech security system they are installing at Churchill Downs for next year’s Kentucky Derby?

He always said "aye when ye get Bonnie bared don’t pollute!”

He was sentenced to death.

Ten plus ten is twenty, and eleven plus eleven is twenty, too.

The industry was just too cut throat.

She asked the boy: “Michael, what is the matter with you these days? Your attitude stinks.” Michael answered: “I’m too smart for first grade. My sister is in third grade, and I’m smarter than she is, so I should be in third grade too.” In a bid to resolve things, the teacher took Michael along to the principal’s office and while Michael waited in the outer office, she explained the situation to the principal. He told the teacher that he would give Michael a test and if he failed to answer any of the questions correctly, he would have to return to first grade and behave himself. Michael was then taken to the principal’s office for the test. “What is four times four?” asked the principal. “Sixteen,” answered Michael. “What is eleven minus seven?” said the principal. “Four,” replied Michael instantly. And so it went on. Every third-grade standard question the principal asked, Michael answered. Eventually the principal said to the teacher: “I think Michael can move up to third grade.” “Let me ask him a few questions,” suggested the teacher. “Very well,” agreed the principal. “Okay, Michael,” began the teacher. “What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?” “Legs,” answered Michael. The teacher continued: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal raised his eyebrows. “Pockets,” replied Michael. Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Michael: “Pants.” Teacher: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” Michael: “Bubblegum.” The principal wiped a few beads of perspiration from his brow. Teacher: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?” Michael: “Shake hands.” Teacher: “Now I am going to ask some ‘Who am I’ questions.” Michael: “Okay.” Teacher: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.” Michael: “Tent.” Teacher: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.” The principal was growing increasingly nervous. Michael: “Wedding ring.” Teacher: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.” Michael: “Nose.” Teacher: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.” Michael: “Arrow.” Teacher: “And finally. What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and means a lot of excitement?” Michael: “Firetruck.” The principal breathed a huge sigh of relief and told the teacher: “Put Michael in third grade. He’s obviously very smart. I got the last nine questions wrong myself.”

is that if a woman says "Smell this", it usually smells nice

“Honey, I just shirt my pants!”

She must be Slo-vac

A self-driving car once asked me for directions

II, sir!