So I asked my doctor why my dad had growing fungus in his ears.

"A group of nuns is painting their convent on a hot summer day. Mother Superior tells them to hurry up and finish because the blind man is coming. The nuns get so hot from working in the heat that one suggests they take their tops off to cool down. Another says, 'OK, I guess it’s just a blind man that’s coming.' The blind man arrives and says, 'Nice tits. Where do you want the blinds?'"

She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready. A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body. He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat. A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations. When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."

He got fired his first day.

But after a few appointments, I stand corrected

'The village barber shaves all the men in the village, who don't shave themselves. Does the village barber shave themself?' 'No.' 'But then the statement is wrong!' 'The statement is still correct, because the village barber lives in another village.' 'Ah, ok. But then 'Yes' could also be a good answer.' 'I think we just should ask her for ourselves.'

...but he said it might cause some internal bleating.

One summer I decided to build my own submarine. I took it out to the middle of the lake, put my little bro in it, and cut it loose. He has stayed successfully submerged for 13 years now.

And when it's gone you wonder, what ever made you bite.

How you poo-in?

"What's your act?" asks the ringmaster. "I do bird imitations," says the man. "Forget about it!" says the ringmaster. "No-one comes to the circus to see bird imitations." "Fair enough," says the man, and flies out of the tent.