Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Healthy_Ladder_6198 1 mon.agoWhile in Gettysburg to give his address, Abraham Lincoln stayed overnight with an old widow, Mrs. Armistead. She was a pretty bossy old bat and gave Lincoln a long list of chores to do as soon as she met him. Finally, when he thought he was done, Mrs. Armistead said, "Last chores, Abraham. For dinner we're having stew, corn on the cob, and apple pie. I'll work on the stew, but you're going to be on the front porch shucking corn and peeling apples until there's nothing left in front of you." And with that she led him outside where there were two huge baskets filled to the brim with apples and corn. Abraham started peeling and shucking. Periodically the widow would check on him to see how much he had left to get an idea of when they'd eat. Little known fact about Abraham Lincoln – he was none too good at shucking corn and peeling apples. After checking on him for the tenth time Mrs. Armistead was frustrated. She said, "Abraham, how the hell can you be expected to lead a country if you can't even help with dinner?” Abe replied, "Relax, Mrs. Armistead. I only have four cores and seven ears to go."3843[585](https://x.com/RCdeWinter/status/1917444635636687074/analytics)
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He asks the soldier, "Soldier, why is that camel tied to the tent?" The soldier looks awkward and answers: "Er, well Sir, as you know there are no women on the base so er, the camel is there for when the men get certain.... um...urges" The general nods in understanding and says, "Well I don't condone this behaviour, but I suppose I understand" A few weeks into the post, the general starts feelings these urges himself. He calls for the soldier to bring the camel to his tent. He then goes outside, gets a stool, and has wild animal sex with the camel. After he's finished, he climbs confidently off of the stool and sees the soldier staring at him, wide-eyed. "So" the general says with a grin, "Is that how you boys do it here?" The soldier answers, still wide-eyed, "No Sir, we usually just ride the camel into the nearby town where the women are"
American Runs on Dunkin’
Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
I said, “how the *hell* did you get my number??”
I ask him if he's ok, and he replies inbetween his groans. "Nah I'm good don't worry" Me personally, I think he's full of shit.
“We used a team of bees to lure the criminals to the scene and catch them in the act. It was a honey pot sting operation.”
I saw a job advertised for the cleaning company dealing with a very large skyscraper, cleaning all the mirrors in the building. I thought, there's a job I can see myself doing.
Take shelter
turns out nobody could cross the finish line
I still have flashbacks.
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