My new watch has a battery that'll last 10 years.

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

The banquet that followed the ceremony was full of many delicious foods, which the scarecrow was enjoying immensely. When the dessert cart was rolled out, he had to decline. He told the hosts, “I’m so sorry, I can’t eat another bite. I’m stuffed.”

Barkfest!

Hearing AIDS

A shepherd had a donkey that he used to transport his products to the village downstream. Since the donkey ate a lot and the shepherd had to save money, he decided to feed it a little less. The days passed and the shepherd, not noticing any changes, decided to give it less and less food until one day he decided to give it nothing at all. A few days later the donkey died and the shepherd went downstream carrying his products to the village. A villager asked him: "what happened to the donkey?" And the shepherd replied: "Forget it, just when he got used to not eating anything he died!"

He claims he can identify any pelt and how it was killed with his eyes closed. The other patrons agree the wager a round of drinks per guess. The trapper goes all night, beaver killed with a knife, elk killed with a shotgun, squirrel killed with an arrow. Yada yada... This goes on all night. The trapper is getting really drunk from all the free drinks. He eventually stumbles out of the bar. The next day the trapper comes back to the bar with 2 black eyes. The bar goers ask what happened. He replies he got into bed with his wife and proclaimed "skunk killed with an axe".

I was like "Well, dam!"

you gotta to start from scratch.

and not

But last night she said 'Come to bed and bring something hard' — So I brought my calculus textbook. Now I’m single… but integrals never leave me unsatisfied."