Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

that night the husband comes home & extols the virtues of "shaving down below". The mum shaves & a few days later the child wanders into the bathroom again & enquires "where's your sponge?" The mum thinks quickly again & says "I lost it, could you help me find it?" & proceeds to think nothing more of it. Two days later the child comes running into the house frantically, when the mum asks what the hurry is the child says "I found your sponge!!". Intrigued, the mum says "oh, ok, whereabouts exactly did you find it?". The child replies "I was playing with Timmy next door when we heard some noises, we went to see what it was & when we looked in his parent's bedroom, Mrs Jones was washing dad's face with it!"

**Because it’s their tightest material.**

You were warned about your car’s warranty expiring.

Because seven eights ass

A Dentured servant

They were too big for the British to take.

Now it's 9:44, and my wrist is killing me

A blind man comes to the beach. He unpacks his bag and starts blowing up a rubber doll. A mother is sitting nearby and hisses at him: "How dare you unpack your sex doll on a public beach? There are children here!" He turns bright red and stammers:" I'm sorry, I thought ... Damn, so I've been shagging my air mattress all winter!"

Paddy O’Reilly is driving down a country road when he happens upon youn Kevin, slowly shuffling alongside the road, with his head down. “And why is that you walking alone, all consumed in thought, Young Kevin?” “My mom died, yesterday”, Kevin explains. “I see. That’s tragic. Should I ask Father O’Malley to come over to comfort ye?” “No thanks, Mr O’Reilly. Sex is the last thing on my mind right now”?

Little Johnny is out in the yard with his dad one day and he sees Dad light a cigarette. After watching him for a few seconds, Johnny asks, "Daddy, can I have a puff of your cigarette?" Dad looks at him and says, "Does your dick touch your asshole?" "No, sir." Johnny answered. Dad says, "Then no, you can't have a draw off my cigarette." A short while later, Dad pops open a can of beer. Johnny again watches him for a few seconds then asks Dad, "It sure is hot out here. Can I have a drink of that cold beer?" Dad repeats the question, "Does your dick touch your asshole?" Johnny sheepishly replies, "No, sir." "Well when it does, I'll give you a beer." Soon after, Johnny pulls some candy out of his pocket and starts eating it. Dad says, "Give me a piece of that candy, Johnny." Johnny, seeing his opportunity, asks hid dad, "Well, Daddy, does your dick touch your asshole?" Dad looks at him with a smile and says, "As a matter of fact, son, yes, it does!" Johnny smiles back and tells him, "Good, you can go fuck yourself!"

I'm never doing that again. I'm going back to whipped cream.

The more I miss da meaner I get!

You call her

They told me that if I keep up what I'm doing they'll take me on a waterboarding trip to Guantanamo Bay. So excited!

So I chose "Snow White and the 7 Dwarves".

He would drown.

Call it foolish pride, but I refuse to do anyone else's bidding.

Your wife has to chew before she swallows

A big misunderstanding ensued.

They had been spent 24 hours straight on this until they got too tired and decided to call it a day

Then tell me why - girls fear cockroaches more than guys?

They were un-ovoid-able

Because it’s made of Cryptonite

Just like yo momma.

When I woke up the next morning my dick was in the kitchen making me breakfast.

“Vhat do you mean?” he replied. “It’s the thing vith arms and legs that gets me everywhere I vant to go!”

The slogan? "When it comes to fine dining, we go hard."

After some preliminary discussions, they got to their main agenda item: Why are there so many more blonde jokes than redhead jokes? The RedHead Executive Board had hired a panel of “dark hairs” to investigate this over the previous year and as they approached the stage to give their report the room grew silent in anticipation. As they started the presentation, they noticed looks of utter confusion on the faces in the audience. So they began simplifying things, with only faint flickers of comprehension appearing in the crowd. They decided to punt and get to the bottom line. Their conclusion was brief and, given the audience, used only simple words: “Comedians work hard to make up funny stories about silly things that blondes could do. But for you redheads, the stories are all true.”

The ICU

Well, her coach was a pumpkin..