New2RedBeNice 3 day.agoA first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.She asked the boy: “Michael, what is the matter with you these days? Your attitude stinks.” Michael answered: “I’m too smart for first grade. My sister is in third grade, and I’m smarter than she is, so I should be in third grade too.” In a bid to resolve things, the teacher took Michael along to the principal’s office and while Michael waited in the outer office, she explained the situation to the principal. He told the teacher that he would give Michael a test and if he failed to answer any of the questions correctly, he would have to return to first grade and behave himself. Michael was then taken to the principal’s office for the test. “What is four times four?” asked the principal. “Sixteen,” answered Michael. “What is eleven minus seven?” said the principal. “Four,” replied Michael instantly. And so it went on. Every third-grade standard question the principal asked, Michael answered. Eventually the principal said to the teacher: “I think Michael can move up to third grade.” “Let me ask him a few questions,” suggested the teacher. “Very well,” agreed the principal. “Okay, Michael,” began the teacher. “What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?” “Legs,” answered Michael. The teacher continued: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal raised his eyebrows. “Pockets,” replied Michael. Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Michael: “Pants.” Teacher: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” Michael: “Bubblegum.” The principal wiped a few beads of perspiration from his brow. Teacher: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?” Michael: “Shake hands.” Teacher: “Now I am going to ask some ‘Who am I’ questions.” Michael: “Okay.” Teacher: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.” Michael: “Tent.” Teacher: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.” The principal was growing increasingly nervous. Michael: “Wedding ring.” Teacher: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.” Michael: “Nose.” Teacher: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.” Michael: “Arrow.” Teacher: “And finally. What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ and means a lot of excitement?” Michael: “Firetruck.” The principal breathed a huge sigh of relief and told the teacher: “Put Michael in third grade. He’s obviously very smart. I got the last nine questions wrong myself.”
Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.
In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
Santa goes DOWN the chimney
The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it
running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose first
I'm gonna get you wetter than a spastics chin
Because they have no rights.
For some reason she kept screaming her age instead of the correct safeword
I am not a meth head.
In the end I didn’t. It’s a touchy subject
He said, “I'll give you my girl! Hopefully that will be enough to cover it!” The restaurant got him arrested anyway since girls are worthless in China.
A Sandy Hook.
A six-pack of beer and a potato.
I didn't laugh but the floor was cracking up
Coon on the moon
Speed bumps
All lesbians are feminists
Partial arts
House music.
Usually found dead on the side of the road
Pick it up and suck its cock.
now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.
I've never run so far in all my life.
8:00 I made a snowman 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman 8:15 So, I made a snow woman 8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it should have been two snowmen instead 8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot noses, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with 8:28 I am being called a racist by a pedestrian because the snow couple is white 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman must wear a burqa 8:40 Three Police cars arrive saying someone has been offended 8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicts women in a domestic role 8:43 An Equality Act officer arrived and threatened me with prosecution 8:45 TV news crew from the local news station shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist. 9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, pervert, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather 9:10 Far left protestors offended by everything are marching calling for my head 9:29 My kids are taken from me and I lose my job
The Americans were chasing him.
First she gets her diary published which is every girl's nightmare. Then she doesn't even get to profit from it which is every Jew's nightmare.
So, my gf blew me two days ago. The next morning, her breath was rancid. She said it smelled the way my dick tasted. So, this morning my breath was so so bad. I reminded her the last thing I had was her cooking. Anyway, long story short, I am single now.
A restraining order
Small cute, and I’m probably gonna bang it on my coffee table
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
Feeling down? Click in—guaranteed smiles! 😆
