What's a cow's favourite night-time activity?

It's a trap!

He's a small arms dealer

Dinner’s on me!

Say 'I hate happiness' without the 'H's'

I saw a homeless woman on the street when I was walking home one day with my friend I said to my friend, "God! I just wish I could take her home!" I guess I said it a little too loudly, because she walked over and said, smiling, "Excuse me, but I overheard you and... Yes, you can." Now, her expression quickly changed when she saw me dismantling her tent.

Roomers are flying!

Where do you work? I work at NASA NASA? What do you do there? I study Uranus. It's my dream job. Wait! I thought you were a proctologist? Exactly.

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I touched a man’s private parts.” The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” She replies, “My right hand.” The priest instructs her to dip her right hand in holy water and say ten Hail Marys. The second nun steps in and confesses, “I touched a man’s private parts with my left hand.” The priest gives her the same penance. As the third nun is about to enter, the fourth nun pushes ahead. The priest asks, “Why did you push ahead in line?” She responds, “Because I want to gargle the holy water before she sits in it!”

I am too lazy to do that.

Which is one size bigger than a Marquee!