I've just been fired from my job as a manager of a laundromat

He was trying Tequila.

The 7th Panzer division

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

Furious, she summons all the male staff of the monastery and asks: "Ok... WHO JIZZED ON THE CANDLES!??"

You are pointless

So I made a pros and cons list.

Tooth hurts

And he said, "Don't tell her husband."

When they were traveling in Jamaica, he had to go pee, a large Jamaican man stood at the urinal next to him, and he couldn’t help him self, he snuck a peak because of all the rumours. To his amazement he saw the same letters that were visible on his own penis, W N Y, and in his excitement he burst out “Oh my god you have Wendy tattooed on your penis, I have the same look!” The man gives him a quizzical look, glances at his penis and sees yes, clear as day the letters W N Y on this strange white mans penis. He coughs and clears his throat and says: “Oh no, the tattoo on my penis doesn’t say Wendy…” “Well what does it say” “Welcome to Jamaica, Have a Nice Day”

Upon rubbing the lamp, the genie emerges. "I will grant you each one wish, but the catch is that you must shout out your wish after jumping from the mountain. Whatever you wish for, you will land in." The first man, thinks for a moment. He jumps off, and in mid air, yells "Gold! " And he lands in a huge pile of gold, killing him instantly. The second man, thinks for a moment. He jumps off, and in the air, yells "Diamonds!" He lands in a huge pile of diamonds, killing him instantly. The third man, thinks for a moment. Backing away, he says "I'm not too sure about this, I don't think I want to die for what I want!". Carelessly, he loses his footing, and falls off the mountain. " OHHHHH SHIIIIIIIITTTTTT"