Did you know it’s illegal for someone to stop peas from rolling down a hill?

This is what Cetus apart

Suddenly a giant snake attacks him. He doesn't have any weapon to defend himself so, in his panic, he desperately starts playing his flute. To his surprise, the snake stops and falls asleep. Surprised, the adventurer continues walking and soon a gorilla spots him and starts running at him. Again, he plays the flute and the gorilla, just as the snake, calms down. After a while, a tiger appears out of the bushes. Confidently, the adventurer starts playing the flute, but the tiger doesn't stop attacking and rips him to shreds. While the tiger is eating the man, the gorilla comes to him and asks "Why did you have to kill him? His music was so beautiful!" The tiger glances at the gorilla and says "Could you say that again? I'm very hard of hearing."

Lycan Subscribe!

Doctors call it Iraqnophobia

Because he Tippacanoe over

HeHe

I was eventually fired. Apparently it looks bad if you tell people you dismember people for a living.

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

About halfway through the flight over the Pacific, there was an announcement from the flight deck: "Uhhh this is your captain speaking uhhhh just letting you know that there a minor uhhh problem with one of the engines. There is no uhhhh danger but our landing in Sydney is going to be delayed by an hour." A couple hours later there was another announcement: "Uhhh this is your captain speaking uhhhh just letting you know that there a minor uhhh problem with another one of the engines. There is no uhhhh danger but our landing in Sydney is going to be delayed by two hours." A couple hours later there was yet another announcement: "Uhhh this is your captain speaking uhhhh just letting you know that there a minor uhhh problem with a third engines. There is no uhhhh danger but our landing in Sydney is going to be delayed by three hours." Buford turned to the person next to him and said, "Well dang it! If we lose that fourth engine we'll never land."

He goes around bleating, "sheep-baaaaal"! FYI, in Korean, the word for fuck (and shit, I think) is ssibal (pronounced shee-bal).