Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
The_first_Ezookiel 19 day.ago3 guys die and get to the Pearly Gates. St Peter greets them and apologises, saying that Due to a recent issue during an upgrade - their entire system is offline and they can’t currently look up any of their records, and will have to send the three of them back to Earth while they sort things out. St Peter further explains, that since they’d freak out any family or friends, they’ll have to be sent back as someone else. The first one asks whether they have to be sent back as people, or can he be sent back as an animal. St Peter says that going back as an animal is fine. So the first guys says he’d like to be sent back as an Eagle, because he’d love to be able to fly. St Peter agrees and a moment later the first guy disappears and is back on earth as requested. The second guys says, well, if going back as an animal is possible, then I’d love to be sent back as a whale - I’ve always loved exploring the ocean but was so limited as to the depth that I could go. A moment later he’s back on earth as requested. The third guy gets a bit of a scheming look on his face, and asks St Peter, “So let me get this straight - your whole system is down, and won’t be back up until you call us back here again - does that mean that you’ll have no record of anything we do while we are down there?” St Peter thinks for a moment, then says, “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but yes, I guess you’re correct - we won’t have any record of what you do while you’re there” The third guys says, “Well, I’ve lived a pretty clean life, but a big part of me has always wanted to be a bit more … let’s say “adventurous” … could I be sent back to have a chance to live it up a bit - go back and live the life of an absolute ‘stud’ for a bit?” St Peter seems a bit unhappy with the request, but agrees, and a moment later the 3rd guys is back on earth as requested. A few days later God is speaking with St Peter and advises that their systems are all restored, their records are all back online, and they’re ready to bring the 3 guys back. God asks about where the 3 guys currently are. St Peter says, the first will be easy to find, he’s currently soaring over The Rockies, and the 2nd guy is just heading back North after exploring the depths of the Southern Ocean, but St Peter says that he’s a bit worried about finding the third guy. God asks why, and St Peter says, “I’m not sure of his exact location, but I do know that he’s somewhere in Minnesota - he’s on a snow tire.”
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Butanal
As we all know, April showers bring May flowers, and of course Mayflowers bring pilgrims, and pilgrims bring death and disease, but apparently death and disease brings Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving brings football, football brings fans, and fans bring beer. Basically, what I’m saying is: I like the month of April, because it means I get to drink.
The rooster
Begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, she has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”
Because they peel easily.
He was part of the counter culture.
There was Diana Ross
I’m going to have to resort to violins
Its the only way to get A head
One day, a general was walking through a military base when he noticed a soldier casually eating and walking past him without saluting. Furious, the general ordered the soldier to stop and called him over. Here’s how their conversation went: **General**: Soldier, do you even know who I am? Do you know my rank? **Soldier**: Nope, not at all. **General**: Listen up, soldier. Right now, you’re a private—zero rank. The lowest in the military hierarchy. Basically, you’re nothing. **Soldier**: Okay. **General**: In the military, as you serve more years and prove yourself, your rank goes up. **Soldier**: Alright. **General**: For example, after this, you become a Private First Class. **Soldier**: Got it. **General**: Then you move up to Corporal, Sergeant, Warrant Officer, and so on. **Soldier**: And then? **General**: Eventually—though it’s almost impossible—you could become me, a General, the highest rank in the military. **Soldier**: And after that? **General** (Surprised): After that? There’s nothing after that. That’s it. **Soldier**: Well, I’m already that “nothing” right now.
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