What vegetable is always served burnt?

A Pastor is at home when one of his mates drops by and invites him out to go out and do some hunting. The Pastor tells his mate, “I’m not real sure about that idea - the only place we can hunt around here is up at Old Joe’s, and he absolutely hates me.” Despite the misgivings, the Pastor’s mate manages to convince him to at least give it a go, and they pull up at Old Joe’s place. The Pastor says, “I don’t want Joe thinking I’m riding on your coat tails, so I’ll go up and ask him myself, and if he says no, then so be it” His mate agrees and waits nervously in the car while the Pastor goes up to the door. When Old Joe answers, he greets the Pastor really warmly. He says, “Pastor, I’ve been meaning to thank you - my wife came home a new woman after your sermon last Sunday, she’s stopped nagging, and she’s been really civil to me, the transformation has been absolutely incredible. Is there any way I can thank you?” The Pastor is quite taken aback by this unexpected welcome, but explains that they came in the hopes of being able to do some shooting on the property. Old Joe willingly agrees, then pauses for a second, and asks, “Hey Pastor, since you’re here, and you’ve got your rifle, could you do me a big favour? ‘Bessy’, my oldest cow that I’ve had almost forever, is really on her last legs - the vet told me I should put her down, but she’s won me so many prizes over the years. I just can’t bring myself to do it. Do you think you could do it for me?” Taken aback by the welcome, he willingly agrees. As he’s walking back toward the car, he sees his mate watching him anxiously through the windscreen, and realises his mate hasn’t heard any of the conversation. The Pastor decides to play a bit of a prank on his mate. He throws the car door open, jumps in, grabs his rifle, and says, “That cantankerous old so and so - he just called me every name under the sun - he used theological words in combinations I’ve never heard, but I’ll get him back - that’s ‘Bessy’ his prize-winning cow over there, but Watch this !!” Then aiming his rifle out the window, takes careful aim, and drops old Bessy dead. Before the Pastor can turn back toward his mate to see his reaction, there’s a second almighty bang, and his mate says, “And I just got the old bastard’s prize bull, let’s get out of here!!”

I'm starting a club that pools money to invest in shrubs and small trees along the boundaries of properties in suburban neighborhoods... We are a hedge fund.

Because they caught him looking at stenography.

They made it back.

Human Bing

Because it saw that it had MOOBs

.... the taste

"You should put up heavier curtains in your bedroom," one man says. "I could see you making love to your wife last night." "That shows how good your eyesight is," says the other with a laugh. "I wasn't even home last night!"

Turns out I was too drunk to drive the bus as well.