One morning, Elf was found dead with Ep’s antique fork in its chest. In a rage, Hymn called the local detective to arrest Ep. The detective showed up on scene, analyzed the evidence and declared, “Ep has been framed.” “How can you tell?” sputtered Hymn.

Icy dead people.

This thought was concerning enough to give me paws.

If we don’t get some support someone’s gonna think we’re nuts

After all their jobs are NSFW

Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington race course, to watch horse racing. When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry. As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, "You must be in Grade 3?" "No ma'am", he replied. "I am the jockey riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help."

A milk-white Eastern dude headed West for the good of his health, and invested in a saloon. The seller advised him that folks thereabouts were mostly friendly, but if ever he heard that Big John was a-coming to town, he should light out of there real quick. So one day our dude is tending bar when the batwing doors burst open and a panicky looking townsman yells "Big John's a-coming!". Moments later the bar is deserted, the batwing doors flapping back and forth, a dart in mid-flight settles in the board, the piano dies away to silence, and the wheel o'fortune is still spinning down in the corner, and the dude is just picking himself up off the floor. Then he hears a thunder of hooves and before he can do anything, a giant of a man rides up on a buffalo, dismounts, punches the buffalo between the eyes and snarls "Stay there!" and tosses the rattlesnake he was using as a whip into a corner of the bar-room as he barges up to the bar. "Gimme a beer!" he barks, and the dude complies straight away, and slides a whisky chaser next to it without being asked. The giant slams both of them down in two gulps, and the dude nervously asks if he wouldn't like another one. "Are you kidding?" roars the giant. "I'm a-gettin' outta here! Don't you know Big John's a-coming?"

Misinformation

The look on my face was priceless.

I still don’t know y.

I’m a bad gardener.