SentientFoodTruck 11 day.agoTwo lumberjacks, Bill and Frank, are out in the forest cutting down trees.Not paying attention, Frank gets too close to the saw and gets his arm cut off. In a mad scramble, Bill wraps Frank’s arm in plastic, and rushes his dismembered friend to the hospital. He goes to visit Frank the next day, and to his amazement finds him back in tact, playing ping pong in the physical therapy area. A few days later the men are back in the woods, cutting down trees. This time, Frank loses his leg after again getting too close to the saw. Just like the last time, Bill wraps his friend’s leg in plastic and rushes him back to the hospital. He goes to visit Frank the next day, and this time to his amazement finds Frank in the physical therapy area, all in one piece, running on the treadmill. A few days later, the pair are back in the woods, sawing down trees. This time, Frank gets too close to the saw and gets decapitated. Bill, now an old pro at this, wraps his friend’s head in plastic and rushes him to the hospital. He goes to visit Frank at the hospital the next day, only to find out that his friend didn’t make it. Distraught, he asked the doctor what happened. “Well,” the doctor said, “your friend would have made a full recovery, if some idiot hadn’t wrapped his head in a plastic bag.”
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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove into a wall
But haven't seen their kids in over a year. Wakanda father are you?
I was bloody and sore afterwards, but at least my dad came.
For some reason she kept yelling out her age
Little Seizures
She wont find out until she gets home and unpacks her luggage...
Pump kin
But that's just low hanging fruit
I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
I like black people just as much as normal people
There were three gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay guy says, "I want to spread him all over my chili." Confused, the coroner asked, "WHY?" In which the third gay guy responded, "So he can tear my ass up one more time."
I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was just an accident
Hitler turns to his generals in outrage and says “You’re supposed to bake them until they’re dead!”
"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
I had sex with my girlfriend last night. It was her first time so she bled. I told her not to worry, in a few years she'll bleed every month.
They already have enough on their plate.
You put a windsheild over her eyes.
It involved 8 black men and a gun
You have to drop the bomb twice to get it across to her
But I'd feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant...
Babies eventually grow up and stop throwing tantrums every five minutes.
Three months without a school shooting.
A Suicide Squad
You know she’ll swallow.
...I hope.
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"
All the good ones are taken, so when no one is looking you have to slip it in the disabled one.
The finish line of the Boston marathon
I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but it must be those orange jumpsuits.
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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