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avatar Onoma_Khristi 26 day.ago

Oliver Twist went to an Indian restaurant.

When it came time to order the appetizer, he broke into a cold sweat.. He remembered what had happened the last time he asked for samosa.

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funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. The owner of an Italian restaurant gets arrested...

One night, the police show up to an Italian restaurant, quickly arresting the owner as he exits the bathroom and almost literally catching him with his pants down. He is quickly convicted of the car-bomb murder of local citizen John Doe, which ends up being an open and shut case thanks to the man's quick confession to the crime. The man's wife, however, is still convinced of his innocence, and hires a private eye to investigate the murder. Eventually, the detective secures undeniable proof of the convicted man's innocence, even managing to expose the true murderer: the owner of a rival Italian restaurant, who framed the man to ruin him. As the exonerated man is released from jail, he points at the cops that arrested him that day, shouting: "I tell-a you! I tell-a you, over and-a over, all-a I did was blow up-a da john!"

2. A new receptionist started work

in a psychiatrist’s office, but at the end of her first day he felt he had to have a quiet word with her. “Your general approach is fine,” he said, “but try saying, ‘We’re very busy’ rather than ‘It’s a madhouse.’”

3. For all the dads out there who refuse to wear a seatbelt, I have one question for you.

What’s holding you back?

4. Why is the life on Earth so depressing?

Because gravity always brings you down

5. Why are economists bad at relationships?

Too many assumptions.

6. This nice restaurant opened in my town, they only employed little people

They ended up closing, sadly. They were always short staffed.

7. What do you call a cook that litigates from the kitchen?

A Sue Chef

8. I once heard that Latin has 40 ways to say "to kill"/"to die"/...

It truly is a dead language.

9. Do Angles really fly?

Little Johnny asks his mother: "Momma do angels really fly?" Mother answers: "Yes, baby!" Little Johnny: "But Carmen doesn't fly?" Mother: "Carmen is our maid, Johnny, not an angel!" Little Johnny: "But daddy calls her my angel!" Mother furiously: "Oh, she will fly, all right!" \-------------------------------------------------- Wife and husband are eating in the restaurant and a blonde girl comes on over, kisses husband and then leaves. Wife: "Who was that?" Husband: "Oh, Sarah, she is my mistress!" Wife angrily: "You gotta be kidding me, you are cheating on me!" Husband coldly: "Yes, I am fucking her on the side!" Wife even angrier: "I want a divorce, I am proud independent woman, I wont allow you to embarrass me like this!" Husband coldly: "Fine, but as the company is mine, and you signed prenup, I will take the house we live in, the car you drive, the black card you have and spend the money!" Wife then sees his business partner with a hot redhead: "Who is she?" Husband: "Oh she? She is his mistress!" Wife: "Ours is better!"

10. Did you know you cant use "beef stew" as a computer password?

It's not stroganoff.

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