My wife asked me, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were dating?"

Not a good one

I was putting on pajamas this morning that were covered in dog hair. Told my golden retriever I wasn't messy, I was just cosplaying being him. Without looking up from her phone my wife says.... pawsplay!

How dairy!

Attention Deficit HEY DOUGHNUTS!!!

So I told him it’s whats inside him that counts

An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed every biscuit had the ship’s insignia embossed on it. He was impressed and called in the cook to ask him how he did this. Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven. Admiral: That’s pretty unhygienic. Cook: In that case, sir, I’d suggest you skip the doughnuts.

At least Toilet's Paper has more Shitation

Weird Ale Yankovich.

so seven asked the person if he had any final desires. the person stayed quiet for a while, and then said that he always wanted to take a trip to the beach. So seven worked hard and saved up money for the trip, after multiple jobs and 2-3 weeks of overtime he finally collected the money and tickets. They went to the beach, booked a resort, had as much as fun as they could. But as the sun was about to set, the person suddenly fell and coughed up blood. Seven came close and was crying and screaming for help, when the person with his dying breath said "This was my final fantasy, seven"

When it was ajar.