Two cowboys are lost in the desert . One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon . “A bacon tree ! We’re saved !” He says . He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets .

I asked him if I should join a gym. He said, "No, that's not necessary. Here's the exercise you need: Move your head back and forth from left to right anytime someone asks you if you'd like something to eat."

Prime Rib!

I was dicing with death. (Tim vine)

“I’m not Willie Nelson”

A mare-age.

I guess next time I should wait till August, I sat her down and explained what I did, and all she kept yelling back was “why July, why July.” Guess I just have bad timing.

So I always get asked if I have any trips planned. My response is always "No, any trips are always unplanned. But they always result in me falling flat on my face"

How inconsilicate!

Madroid

A tractor.