If I am ever in a horrible accident and no longer able to care for myself, I hope they consider children in Japan or China.....

They said “I don’t know. “ I told them “just give me a ballpark estimate.”

There once was a porcupine who woke up one day to find that his penis had changed into a cross shape. Super excited, he went all over the jungle showing it off to as many animals as he came across. Woe, alas and alack! One morning he woke up to see his special appendage was missing. He went around from animal to animal, asking if they had seen his special penis. "No," said the elephant, "seen it many times, but not today." He got the same response from the lion, the cheetah, the zebra, the monkey, even from Bhaloo and Sher Khan and Mowgli. No one admitted to seeing it - Until he came across the jaguar. "Mr. Jaguar, Mr. Jaguar, have you seen my special penis?" "Yes," said the jaguar. "I ate it." "What!!!???" screamed the porcupine, "Why would you do such a cruel thing?" "Because," came the reply, "I am a four point tool eater Jaguar."

Because two wongs don't make a white

A dead epileptic

(Best if spoken)

Well, I call it a spark, she calls it "a taser".

It's more of Wreck-creation activity

... They said: that's just for starters!

Chapaev, a famous Russian civil war general, is sitting and having lunch with his assistant Petka. Earlier on, Petka’s colleague Anka asked him what is logical thinking? Petka didn’t know, so he thought he will ask his boss later on. “General Chapaev, may I ask, what is logical thinking?” Chapaev says: “Okay, Petka, let me demonstrate. Do you have any matches on you?” Petka replies, “Yes.” Chapaev continues, “If you have matches, then logically, you smoke, right?” Petka nods, “Right.” “If you have smoke, logically, you must like to drink.” “Of course.” “If you like to drink, logically, you love parties.” “Yes, that’s true.” “If you love parties, logically, you must love people.” “Sure.” “If you love people, logically, you must love women.” “Absolutely!” “And if you love women, logically, you’re not gay.” Petka proudly agrees, “Right!” Satisfied, Petka seeks out Anka and says to him “Comrade, I now know what is logical thinking.” “Can you explain it to me?” “Of course, tell me, do you have any matches on you?” Anka replies “No, I don’t” Petka stops for a second and says “Well then, logically, you are gay.”

It’s a shame they’ll never meet