"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him” The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back three days later with a broken arm and covered in bruises. The grandfather asks "What the hell happened to you?" The grandson says "I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge with my friends; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender - but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!" The grandfather asks "Well who the hell did you go with boy?" The grandson says "My friends from school, who did you go with?" The grandfather says "Well... the 2nd SS Panzer Division"

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman: "Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?" The woman answers: "I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for one night, why don't pretend we are married?" The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies: "Yeah of course!" And so the woman says: "Good. Then fucking get it yourself you lazy ass."

Animal ab use

They put them both in a room with a woman and say they can have her, but they have to approach her only half a distance that lies between them, each time. The mathematician gives up, stating he cannot reach the woman. The engineer will continue because he knows he will get close enough for all practical purposes.

They caught me red handed.

They usually have something like ten, so you can choose.

but it sure makes the evening more memorable.

None. They just sit in the dark blaming the bulb for not screwing them.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

An Amish drive by.

Because they're both right.

Because they are traveling light.

Hindsight is 2020

Only if you burn yourself.

“Are you still holding the ladder son?”

His Dad says, "Son, you can't have it both ways."

If it isn't autocorrect

One’s good in bed, one’s good in bread, and one’s a good inbred.

None. They use Gaslighting instead.

...you've technically witnessed a race related shooting

She never saw it coming.

Tough shit

Worst prostate exam I ever had.

“My wife is the most suspicious person I know,” the guy shared with a sympathetic friend. “If I come home early, she suspects I want sex. And if I come home late, she suspects I’ve already had it.”

Mechanic asks, “What’s the problem with your car?” Guy says, “Look inside”. Mechanic looks inside and says, “All I see is a lamp”. Guy says, “Yeah, it’s a Slavic made lamp but the bulb is Native American.” Mechanic: “So?” Guy says: “It’s a Czech Injun light.”

And backed up over a vampire.

With all the new tariffs they can no longer afford French kissing.

I'm fucking baffled

It was a business doing pleasure with you.

I ride the bus