Dad, can I have another onion?

In case he got a hole in one

now they won’t leaf me alone.

Now he has stable WiFi

I said “that explains why I have a crush on ewe.”

... that he never listened to his critics.

is a big word for people who can’t read.

Considering it was my first 4 A into programming

… are when your kids have had enough and skip the rolling of eyes altogether. They go from Dad joke to Dad choke in zero point to the door seconds.

A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said; "I have to be on this flight and it must be First Class." The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to assist you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone and said: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Desk 5 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 5." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the flight attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck you!" Unflinchingly, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

Im always “eating disorder, eating dat order”