What do you call a woman with 1 leg?

"This is a helluva way to spend Easter."

It's called Anonymous Anonymous

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

I tell my kids "You know who's putting all these wind turbines, right? Mercedes". Gets both the groan and eye roll from the missus

Lost my job at the bank. Girlfriend is gonna be pissed. I don't know how to tell her.

You marry her

A little boy with a wooden eye went to his first school dance. All of children were dancing except for him and a girl with a hairlip. He decided to go ask her if she would like to dance and she replied, “Would I! Would I!” He started to cry and shouted back at her, “ Hairlip! Hairlip!” And ran off.

If you lose your Khakis in Boston, it means you can't start you car.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

I’m assuming they sell Velcro wallets?