I have a friend from Czechia. We play chess together.

Later in bed she gave me a treat. Let’s say by the end of it I had blue balls.

Now it's 9:44, and my wrist is killing me

I mean It really goes without saying

So that’s where I put my foot down

Those who can count and those who can't.

So he won't be spotted

Do to inflation and rising grocery costs the 5 second rule has been extended to 8.5 seconds

Your wife has to chew before she swallows

He sits down close to the musician right by the counter and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, but as soon as the man tries to take a sip out of his glass, a monkey zooms in, pisses in the glass and disappears behind the counter. The bartender seems to not notice. The piano man keeps playing unfazed. Unhappy, the man orders a second beer, but wouldn't you know it, once more the monkey shows up just in time to pee in the glass and run away. He orders a third beer and this happens again, so the man has just about enough. He turns to the piano guy and asks: "Hey, do you know the monkey that's pissing in my beer?" And as he keeps playing his tunes, the piano guy nonchalantly answers: "No, but if you whistle it I can play along with you!"

The bush only tastes like piss for a second.