Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Healthy_Ladder_6198 1 mon.agoman coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. “Oh, dear,” he said, “whatever shall I do? I can’t afford a new set.” “Don’t worry,” said his friend. “I’ll get a pair from my brother for you.” The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly. “This is wonderful,” said the man. “Your brother must be a very good dentist.” “Oh, he’s not a dentist,” replied the friend. “He’s an undertaker.”
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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
Defence Lawyer: *"Ma'am, will you please state your age?"* Little Old Lady: *"I am 86 years old."* Defence Lawyer: *"Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?"* Little Old Lady: *"There I was, sitting in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you know him?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, but he sure was friendly."* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened after he sat down?"* Little Old Lady: *"He started to rub my thigh."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you stop him?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, I didn’t stop him."* Defence Lawyer: *"Why not?"* Little Old Lady: *"It felt good. Nobody had done that to me since my husband died 30 years ago."* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened next?"* Little Old Lady: *"He began to rub my breasts."* Defence Lawyer: *"Did you stop him then?"* Little Old Lady: *"No, I did not stop him."* Defence Lawyer: *"Why not?"* Little Old Lady: *"It made me feel alive. I haven’t felt that good in years!"* Defence Lawyer: *"What happened next?"* Little Old Lady: *"Well, by then, I was feeling a little hot and bothered, so I asked him to come closer."* Defence Lawyer: *"And did he?"* Little Old Lady: *"Well, he came closer.... and then yelled, 'April Fools!' That’s when I shot the bastard."*
One says, "Jeez, this mad cow disease is scary." The other responds, "Doesn't worry me. I'm a sheep."
CLONK! CLONK! CLONK!
A Shih Tsu
Nothing personnel, kids.
Fire Distinguisher
Ned: “Sansa, you have no chansa.”
Today I realised it’s really blowing up!
It runs in the family.
**Pet Rules -- Memo to the Family Dog and Cat** 1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way. 2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw or nose-print in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.) 3. The stairway was not designed by Formula 1 and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. 5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. 6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. (Trust me; I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.) 7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh. 8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was wrong when you did it. 9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal for you to begin gagging loudly and then hock up the most disgusting hairball in history. 10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, and then go lick yourself. I cannot stress this enough. To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door: **Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:** 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pet(s) better than I like most people. 4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech-challenged. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, and don't worry about the latest fashions.
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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