Apparently Christian Dior has released a range of belts consisting of watches

Found this odd gem in an ancient text file. Haven't seen it anywhere else! A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."

A Dentured servant

The more I miss da meaner I get!

Two sex workers are comparing their worst clients. One says, “Mine paid me in pennies and called it ‘trickle-down economics.’” The other laughs, “That’s nothing—mine asked for a discount because he ‘finished the job himself’ in thirty seconds!

They were un-ovoid-able

" That's not how a Sobriety test works "

You should have seen the look on their faces when I said, "My money's on the one with the knife."

If you accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back and leave it on the windshield.

I'm never doing that again. I'm going back to whipped cream.

You tep on the brake.