Joker King - find funny jokes from here.

Mongomayhem 1 day.ago

A guy goes to the doctor with a complaint of arm pain. The doctor says, "Great! I have this new machine that can tell with 99% accuracy what is wrong using just a urine sample. " The guy is skeptical but gives the sample anyway. The doctor squirts a few drops into the machine and a few seconds later, a small slip of paper comes out. "You have tennis elbow," says the doctor. The man rants, "How the hell can a machine tell you that based on urine alone? I want a second opinion." "I'll tell you what," says the doctor. "Go home and eat normally for a few days and lay off alcohol. We'll run the specimen again. " "I'll show him," said the man. On the day of his return appointment, he gets his wife to pee in a bucket. Then he gets his mother, son, and daughter to do the same. He goes outside and puts the bucket under his dog while she's peeing. While he's out there, his neighbor asks what he's doing. The guy convinces his neighbor to add his urine to the bucket as well. Before leaving for the doctor's office, the man also jerks off into the bucket and then mixes everything up and puts it all into a zip lock baggie. At the doctor's office, the man fills the cup with the contents of the baggie and gives it to the doctor. When the doctor puts the sample into the machine this time, it takes a few minutes before the machine spits out a much longer piece of paper. "Well, sir, " says the doctor, "It says here that your mom has osteoporosis, your wife has chlamydia, which she apparently got from your neighbor, your daughter is pregnant, your son is on cocaine, your dog has worms, and if you don't stop jerking off so much... you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."