Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Joker King - find funny jokes from here.
Nervous_Olive_5754 26 day.agoProfessor Abernathy’s Knock-Knock JokeNow, I have known absent-minded men in my time. I once met a banker so distracted that he absentmindedly signed over his own house to a stray dog—though, having met his wife, I suspect it was not absentmindedness so much as desperate cunning. But if ever there was a man who could get lost in his own shadow, it was Professor Erasmus T. Abernathy. He was a scholar of some renown, famous for his contributions to the field of theoretical physics and infamous for his habit of boiling his own socks instead of eggs, which made him a subject of concern in both academic and culinary circles. He had once been tasked with delivering a keynote address to the Royal Society of Science but managed instead to deliver a laundry receipt to an audience of dignitaries, while his actual speech was later found tucked neatly into the breast pocket of his laundered and pressed overcoat. One day, the professor set out on a simple errand: he was to meet a publisher who had requested he submit an article on the mathematical structure of humor. The meeting was to take place at noon. It was now 11:58. He was feeling quite confident. He put on his best overcoat, buttoned it up entirely the wrong way, and, finding that it felt peculiar, deduced that he must have gained an unexpected amount of weight in one shoulder overnight. He made a mental note to investigate this phenomenon later, then left his house and promptly walked east, despite the meeting being due west. Along the way, he became distracted by a rather fascinating cobblestone, which led him to a most remarkable conclusion about planetary motion, which in turn occupied his mind so thoroughly that he stepped into a carriage—not his own—and rode it halfway across town before realizing that he was neither the driver nor the passenger, but had simply been standing on the back step the entire time, clutching his hat and deep in thought. Now hopelessly lost, he tried to retrace his steps but was unable to recall if he had left the house at all, or if he had merely dreamed of doing so. He checked his pocket for a map and found, instead, a note he had written to himself earlier that morning. It read: “Remember the thing!” This was deeply unhelpful. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, however, he recalled something about humor. The nature of humor. The structure of humor. Yes! He was meant to be studying the construction of jokes. If he could only write one, perhaps it would jog his memory. He stopped at the first establishment he came across—a quiet, dimly lit tavern where a bartender was wiping down the counter with the same look of existential resignation one sees in particularly reflective cattle. “Sir,” Abernathy said, removing his hat and promptly setting it ablaze in the nearest candle. “I require a drink, and also a joke.” The bartender, accustomed to peculiar men setting their possessions on fire in his establishment, poured him a whiskey and asked what kind of joke he had in mind. “A knock-knock joke!” the professor declared. “They are simple, structured, and should allow me to reorient myself.” The bartender, having little else to do, nodded. Abernathy straightened his burnt lapel. “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” The professor frowned. “I… do not know.” A long silence stretched between them. The bartender, never one to be thrown off, took a sip of his own drink. “Then I can’t let you in.” The professor blinked. “That’s it.” “What’s it?” “The joke. It is the ultimate joke. We are all knocking, are we not? We knock upon the door of knowledge, of understanding, of meaning itself. And yet—” he spread his hands in despair—“we never truly know who is there.” The bartender stared at him. Then, with the steady patience of a man who had been paid too little for too long, he topped off the professor’s drink and said, “Buddy, I just meant you don’t belong here.” The professor finished his whiskey, set his coat on fire for symmetry, and staggered out the door, presumably still knocking. Some say he’s still out there, wandering the world, trying to finish his joke. Others say he found enlightenment in that moment and promptly forgot it. But if you ever hear a knock on your door and nobody’s there, just remember: it might be Professor Abernathy. Or it might be the bartender, making sure you’re not about to set fire to your own coat.
Looking for a natural mood booster? Science agrees: laughter truly is medicine for the soul! Whether you need a quick pick-me-up, an icebreaker for awkward moments, or just want to spread joy, corny jokes are your secret weapon.
In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!
>! They both have a Thor-axe !<
Boxing
"My brother's wife wants an overhanging balcony at the back of their house now.." "Cantilever?" "Nah, she's pretty hot..."
A dino-might.
"I’d pet him first."
Why don't time travelers tell jokes?
One robber turns to the other, holds up a bottle and says “is whiskey?” The other says “yeah but not a wisky as wobbing a bank!”
One day, a general was walking through a military base when he noticed a soldier casually eating and walking past him without saluting. Furious, the general ordered the soldier to stop and called him over. Here’s how their conversation went: **General**: Soldier, do you even know who I am? Do you know my rank? **Soldier**: Nope, not at all. **General**: Listen up, soldier. Right now, you’re a private—zero rank. The lowest in the military hierarchy. Basically, you’re nothing. **Soldier**: Okay. **General**: In the military, as you serve more years and prove yourself, your rank goes up. **Soldier**: Alright. **General**: For example, after this, you become a Private First Class. **Soldier**: Got it. **General**: Then you move up to Corporal, Sergeant, Warrant Officer, and so on. **Soldier**: And then? **General**: Eventually—though it’s almost impossible—you could become me, a General, the highest rank in the military. **Soldier**: And after that? **General** (Surprised): After that? There’s nothing after that. That’s it. **Soldier**: Well, I’m already that “nothing” right now.
A whored
So they know where to stop shaving.
58
The song “firework” is gonna take on a new meaning.
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, she confronted him when, once again, he came home late from work. Earlier, she had searched his company job titles and found a name. “What would you say,” she asked, “if I told you that I’m having an affair with your co-worker Sidney?” “Well, in that case,” he replied, “I’d say you’re a lesbian.”
A general, inspecting troops, stops in front of a private and says, "There is a submarine surfacing in front of you. How will you deal with it?" Private: I'd wait till it's 20 meters up in the air and shoot it with my anti-aircraft gun SIR. General: And where are you going to get an anti-aircraft gun from? Private: Same place that you got the submarine from SIR.
Homeless
Wow, this post blew up!
and orders a drink. The drink says, “You can’t tell me what to do.”
A wife, before traveling, asked her husband to take care of the cat. After a week, she called him to say hello and asked about the cat. He said to her: “Honestly, the cat died.” She started screaming and crying and said, “Shame on you… why did you tell me the news all at once? You know I can't handle it. You should’ve told me she was playing on the roof today, then tomorrow tell me she fell off the roof, then the next day say she died... Anyway… how’s my dad?" He said: “Your dad is playing on the roof.”
It means they literally failed a test where the answers are directly in front of them. That doesn’t sound very smart if you ask me.
One is a marvel to behold, the other is a marble b-hole!
A guy goes to the doctor with a complaint of arm pain. The doctor says, "Great! I have this new machine that can tell with 99% accuracy what is wrong using just a urine sample. " The guy is skeptical but gives the sample anyway. The doctor squirts a few drops into the machine and a few seconds later, a small slip of paper comes out. "You have tennis elbow," says the doctor. The man rants, "How the hell can a machine tell you that based on urine alone? I want a second opinion." "I'll tell you what," says the doctor. "Go home and eat normally for a few days and lay off alcohol. We'll run the specimen again. " "I'll show him," said the man. On the day of his return appointment, he gets his wife to pee in a bucket. Then he gets his mother, son, and daughter to do the same. He goes outside and puts the bucket under his dog while she's peeing. While he's out there, his neighbor asks what he's doing. The guy convinces his neighbor to add his urine to the bucket as well. Before leaving for the doctor's office, the man also jerks off into the bucket and then mixes everything up and puts it all into a zip lock baggie. At the doctor's office, the man fills the cup with the contents of the baggie and gives it to the doctor. When the doctor puts the sample into the machine this time, it takes a few minutes before the machine spits out a much longer piece of paper. "Well, sir, " says the doctor, "It says here that your mom has osteoporosis, your wife has chlamydia, which she apparently got from your neighbor, your daughter is pregnant, your son is on cocaine, your dog has worms, and if you don't stop jerking off so much... you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."
I think it will be OK for a while.
As we all know, April showers bring May flowers, and of course Mayflowers bring pilgrims, and pilgrims bring death and disease, but apparently death and disease brings Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving brings football, football brings fans, and fans bring beer. Basically, what I’m saying is: I like the month of April, because it means I get to drink.
Only one can feed a family of four.
The rooster
I think she's going to pull it off.
A proctologist only has to deal with one asshole at a time.
So they don’t whistle on the way down.
A tardy-grade
"Never leave a man's behind."
more jokes Here waiting for you
best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
Feeling down? Click in—guaranteed smiles! 😆