My friend was sad because he didn’t know the lyrics to ymca

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and that the dog is a "sniffing dog" and they are on duty during the flight. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is." "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says, "Now, just you watch this." He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy Sniffer" Then he turns to the man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the police will arrest her when we land." The first man looks amazed and says, "Say, that is really pretty cool." Once again, the agent sends Sniffer off to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat, and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. This time the agent tells the man, "That guy is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police." Even more impressed by this, the man says, "Now that's pretty cool, I like it!" The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to cr@p and p!ss all over the place, while all the time whining loudly and repeatedly touching the agent's arm. The first man is really grossed out by this behaviour and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asks the agent, "Jeez pal, what's the hell is going on?" The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bloody bomb!"

One night, the police show up to an Italian restaurant, quickly arresting the owner as he exits the bathroom and almost literally catching him with his pants down. He is quickly convicted of the car-bomb murder of local citizen John Doe, which ends up being an open and shut case thanks to the man's quick confession to the crime. The man's wife, however, is still convinced of his innocence, and hires a private eye to investigate the murder. Eventually, the detective secures undeniable proof of the convicted man's innocence, even managing to expose the true murderer: the owner of a rival Italian restaurant, who framed the man to ruin him. As the exonerated man is released from jail, he points at the cops that arrested him that day, shouting: "I tell-a you! I tell-a you, over and-a over, all-a I did was blow up-a da john!"

in a psychiatrist’s office, but at the end of her first day he felt he had to have a quiet word with her. “Your general approach is fine,” he said, “but try saying, ‘We’re very busy’ rather than ‘It’s a madhouse.’”

What’s holding you back?

Because gravity always brings you down

Too many assumptions.

They ended up closing, sadly. They were always short staffed.

A Sue Chef

It truly is a dead language.

Little Johnny asks his mother: "Momma do angels really fly?" Mother answers: "Yes, baby!" Little Johnny: "But Carmen doesn't fly?" Mother: "Carmen is our maid, Johnny, not an angel!" Little Johnny: "But daddy calls her my angel!" Mother furiously: "Oh, she will fly, all right!" \-------------------------------------------------- Wife and husband are eating in the restaurant and a blonde girl comes on over, kisses husband and then leaves. Wife: "Who was that?" Husband: "Oh, Sarah, she is my mistress!" Wife angrily: "You gotta be kidding me, you are cheating on me!" Husband coldly: "Yes, I am fucking her on the side!" Wife even angrier: "I want a divorce, I am proud independent woman, I wont allow you to embarrass me like this!" Husband coldly: "Fine, but as the company is mine, and you signed prenup, I will take the house we live in, the car you drive, the black card you have and spend the money!" Wife then sees his business partner with a hot redhead: "Who is she?" Husband: "Oh she? She is his mistress!" Wife: "Ours is better!"