I'm starting a business selling pre-haunted houses.

The conversation turns to their husbands. The first woman, smiling smugly, says, "My husband is taking me on a romantic cruise to the Caribbean for two weeks." The second boasts, "My husband just bought me a brand new Ferrari." The third shrugs and says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, ladies, we don't have much money or many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that 10 budgerigars can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis." After this, the first woman looks ashamed. "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was only trying to impress you. You know that two week vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the Caribbean, but to my parents' house for one weekend." The second woman says, "Oh, ladies, I'm just as bad. It's not a Ferrari he bought me, but an old, beat-up Honda." "I also have a confession to make," said the third woman, "The tenth budgie has to stand on one leg."

What do you call a farmer who sells their John Deere and gets a job cleaning out smoke filled bars? An ex-tractor fan

No one appreciates equipment.

They’re both going through terrible 2’s

To get to the other slide!

People will laugh at someone else’s misfortunes, but not their own and people will laugh at their own jokes, but not someone else’s.

It bit off more than it could “Chu”!

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "Go on, my child, you may confess." replies the priest "Everyday for the last 6 days, I have been sleeping with women who are not my wife." "I see, and this brings you guilt?" "No-- I mean yes father, they are very hot." "And you find them more attractive than your wife?" "Of course not, my wife is also smoking hot; but I digress, Father, how may I be forgiven?" "Hmm... Squeeze 10 lemons or limes and drink the juice." "Right away, Father, and will that absolve my sins?" "No, but it will hopefully wipe that stupid grin off your face!"

"Get my wife out yo damn mouth!"