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avatar Appropriate-Farmer16 3 mon.ago

I got a new job at the mirror factory.

I can see myself working there for a long time.

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1. I went to the store to get some peas.

They were all out so I had to take an L.

2. NSFW So a squirrel goes out searching for nuts, he finds two of the biggest pair he's ever seen.

That's when I yelled out Oh Fuck!

3. My family has been singing happy birthday to me all day today

After all it’s my cake day!

4. Used boat for sale..

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5. PSA: If you’re ever assaulted by a knight or a bishop, you need to get to a hospital immediately.

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6. My mom told me, to never ride my bike near the mental health hospital.

She said that there are dangerous cycle paths there.

7. Why do teenagers like Easter?

Because Christ is rizzin’

8. While on vacation in Israel...

While on vacation in Israel, an American wife asks her husband, "If, I die here and it costs $30,000 to fly me home and bury me, or $2,000 dollars to bury me here, what would you do?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I'd fly you home and bury you there." "Why would you spend the extra money," she gasps. "Well, because the only person I know that died in Israel, rose again 3 days later." >!Happy Good Friday & Easter yall!!<

9. I went to McDonald's today. I smiled at the bloke and said "Can I have a small shake please?"

He told me to "Fuck off" and walked out of the men's toilets.

10. Two Vampires

Two vampires walk into a bar. One orders a Bloody Mary, the other just water. The first vampire asks, "Hey Steve, how come you're not drinking tonight?" Steve sighs, "I just got back from the doctor & he says I need colon surgery. Now I gotta fly back to Shitsylvania."

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